A
female
age
41-50,
*e81
writes:I'm seeing this guy, it's been a month, we like each other and like to spend time together. we met online and on our first date he invited me to a work event and introduced me to his co-workers and boss, etc. So we agreed to take things slow and get to know each other before we jump into a relationship, so it was ok. I'm not crazy about him, but I like him, so I decided to give it a chance, so going back to what I was saying.... He seems not to makes plans much, I'm the one who makes them for the most part and sometimes he doesn't invite me come along if he's already doing something. So I got a little upset about it, as I see us getting no where, and I feel a little bored, I don't feel like he's that into me... He's inconsistent, first he introduced me to his workmates, but then told me that he's not ready to introduce me to his friends yet. That hurt my feelings.Now he's saying that I don't respect his space and his decisions. I'm sorry but I just don't get it. It's been a month, I would have no problem to introduce him to my friends, and my workmates, as someone I'm interested in. Yet I'm seeing, but for him it's not time yet? ..Now he has told me that I'm being paranoid, thinking that he's not interested on me. I want to take things slow, but I just don't get this... It makes me mad that I have to feel like it's my fault, for feeling the way I feel. Am I wrong? Am I rushing? I don't think so.... I hate that he makes it seem like I'm just not being reasonable and not trying to understand him.Yet we've been dating for a month and he has already let me meet his co-workers... But he can't introduce me to his friends yet?? I mean how long does he need? I guess we are just not compatible? What do you think?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 June 2011):
 I think you ARE going faster then him. 1 month is not that long. It does seem very inconsistant to invite you to meet his co worker on the first date and then wanting to take it slow.
I just don't think you are that into him, but the idea of him.
A
female
reader, me81 +, writes (5 June 2011):
me81 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you guys, well I think I might just be looking for excuses to break up w him, I think he's nice and a good guy for sure, and trust me I'm not controlling nor clingy, but in the past I've been stringing along for long time, so I kind of have mix feelings here... I kind of don't trust guys anymore, and I'm not crazy about this guy, he's always the one who txts me or talks to me, I have my own life but I do enjoy the company, and in the past I have always give up on guys because I don't feel the sparkle I want to feel, however I thought I would give it a chance this time, and that's basically the reason why it's been a month ha, if I don't feel "it" by the 2nd date I usually stop seeing them, but I wanted to try things out w/this guy.... I understand what you guys are saying, and I understand now what he wants, and I don't want that, I guess what I want is a first sigh love, I want to feel butterflies in my stomach when I see him and think about him, I don't feel that way w this guy :/ ahh....
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A
female
reader, me81 +, writes (5 June 2011):
me81 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys, well I think I might just be looking for excuses to break up w him, I think he's nice and a good guy for sure, and trust me I'm not controlling nor clingy, but in the past I've been stringing along for long time, so I kind of have mix feelings here... I kind of don't trust guys anymore, and I'm not crazy about this guy, he's always the one who txts me or talks to me, I have my own life but I do enjoy the company, and in the past I have always give up on guys because I don't feel the sparkle I want to feel, however I thought I would give it a chance this time, and that's basically the reason why it's been a month ha, if I don't feel "it" by the 2nd date I usually stop seeing them, but I wanted to try things out w/this guy.... I understand what you guys are saying, and I understand now what he wants, and I don't want that, I guess what I want is a first sigh love, I want to feel butterflies in my stomach when I see him and think about him, I don't feel that way w this guy :/ ahh....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011): You have only been dating four weeks, which is no time at all really. But he is already calling you paranoid and complaining that you don't respect his space or decisions. If you really like him, then you need to listen to him and back off a little. Inviting you to a 'works do' is not the same as inviting you to meet his friends. If he is taking things slow before entering a relationship with you....as you both agreed to do, right? That means he won't immediately invite you to meet his family or friends. Also it means he will expect to be able to go out without you sometimes because he is still leading his life. You are just having date nights with each other not a full blown relationship. If this is upsetting you because you now want more from him. But he is sticking his heels in and keeping you at a distance. Plus, you feel he is not that 'into you. Then maybe you aren't very compatible. It certainly doesn't sound as if he wants to move things up a notch with you. It might be best to go a little quiet on him and get busy with your own life. Guys don't like being chased and if he sees you have stopped. He might start showing more interest. They like to do a little chasing because they feel a sense of achievement. If you make things too easy for him, he might think it would be the same whatever man you were with. And that won't make him feel very special. So try and play it cool for a while and see if that works. Or just end things and move on as it is still early days and no real emotions are involved.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (5 June 2011):
 you want things to happen quicker than he does, maybe you are more into him than he is with you or maybe he just likes to let meaningful things develop at a more relaxed pace.
he introduced you to his co-workers coz he took you to a works event. often it is more acceptable to bring a 'date' to events than to turn up alone especially if all his colleagues had taken their partners. so i would not read too much into the fact that he took you along.
when he sees his friends do they all bring their partners along? if not, then why would he take you? maybe all he wants to do is have a catch up with his mates.
a month is very early days so stop worrying that he is holding back, just see how things go, calm down.
one thing to look out for is if he going to a special event with friends and they take their partners but he does not invite you. but unless that happens i think you have no need to be worried
x
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