A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I need some help with a guy I recently met via a dating site.He contacted me on the site; we quickly got onto having very long phone conversations. I suggested we meet, and he suggested the next night but I wasn't feeling well. So he suggested the night after that (but I was busy) and the following day (but I was again busy). He got mock-upset about me not being about to meet ("Well, that's knocked me off my perch"). We spoke on the phone for 3-5 hours each of those days.We finally met a couple of days later (after more mammoth phone calls) - he said he was available to meet whenever I was 'ready'. All seemed fine. He carried on calling me each day after the date, for a couple of hours each time. At the end of the week, I mentioned meeting again, he suggested the following day. We met, all fine, and at the end, he suggested we get together to watch a film. Asked me to call when I got home and again mentioned the film.Since then, we have only really spoken on msn. I have texted a couple of times and he has texted back immediately, or called briefly.He is an unusual guy - he has very old fashioned values, prefers to spend time alone reading rather than socialising and rarely meets his friends (as he can't stand the 'meat market' bar/club scene), hates playing game, has said he is not great with dating and asking out women, and didn't kiss me at the end of the dates. Against this background, I felt it was OK to be the one asking him out. (He is very good looking, and is currently 'number 1 profile' on the dating site - which he claims to loathe, but interestingly has not taken himself off it. Clearly more ego than he claims). So, Friday I suggested he call if he fancied meeting this weekend. He has a friend over from the US and said it depended on his plans, but he would probably call me Saturday anyway. Saturday he just sent a text saying he had had a relaxing day (he had a very heavy work week) and was about to do some work on his MA. (Obviously didn't meet his US friend then!). So, figuring maybe I was being too available (even though he claims not to play games) I replied this morning saying I was out last night and was glad he had a relaxing day. No reply to that.So I have no idea what is going on now. He is on the dating site a lot but claims not to be going on other dates, as that isn't his style. Maybe he just needed some downtime this weekend, but he could have been upfront rather than using the 'friend' excuse. He is a big boy of 32. On msn in the week he mentioned how he just wants to spend time alone - I asked if that was a hint for me to leave him alone - he said "No!!!! Not at all!!! I'm talking about just friends".Does anyone have any thoughts? I'm thinking I should take a BIG step back.
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female
reader, pica +, writes (26 November 2006):
I guess the question is what do/did you expect? I suppose it's odd that having met you are now speaking a lot less. Also you're saying he's still going on the dating site, but you must be too to see that ;)
I say not a big step back but maybe chill out a bit, he knows you are there. It's to soon to be exclusive really. It could be though this is his style and he is happy with relationships that are slow.
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