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male
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*osingluvr
writes: My b/f and I have been together about 20 months and we have been living together for the past year. When we first started dating he informed me about his medical condition and he has about 2 yrs left. I told him I would not walk away I rather love and lose him instead of not ever loving him. Well the time is near and he is being very distant with me, we don't even sleep in the same bed anymore. I have told him that I am hurt and lonely that we should be here for each. We need to spend quality time together. His reply to this was "You are being selfish, you should understand what I am going thorough." I do understand to a certain degree what he must be feeling. I can't say I totally understand because I have never been in his situation. Now I am confused and don't know what to do, except I am giving him his space. But on the same hand my heart is breaking I want to spend as much time as possible with him, I want to cuddle with him all day and all night. Someone please help how do I deal with this and still be satisfied when he is gone, no regrets. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Amethyst  +, writes (26 November 2006):
 He's going through a tough time, and I think he's trying to become distant because he probably thinks it'll hurt less in the end... no one really knows how the mind works of one who can only look back, and knows it's pointless to look forward, except those who've experienced it.
You said you've tried to tell him, but I suggest you write it since he won't listen when you say it. You need to tell him you're not trying to be selfish, you've given him his space but you love him dearly and in fact now he's being selfish too. He needs to stop dwelling on it, and enjoy the time he has left... with you. You were good enough, and devoted enough to stay with him, even though you knew there'd be merely a short future with him. Tell him that you've loved him all this time, and you're going to love him even after he's gone, but you want to spend what time you have left with him, because after he's gone you won't get that chance again, and knowing that you spent what time you could with him will help with your lonliness, because you won't have been feeling it while he was still alive.
Basically poor your heart out (nicely) in that letter, and tell him if he won't listen to you you want him to at least read that. Sound good to you?
I've never been in your situation before, so sorry I can't help more than this. But I know how it feels to watch a loved one die, and to have so many regrets after they're gone. Both of my aunts died a slow death, one from a brain tumor, one from a stroke. One was too far away to visit, and too painful that she barely remembered me, and I regret it everyday. I could have been there when she passed, but I wasn't. My aunt with the tumor I helped take care of when I was 8, but my drama queen sister and cousin kept me out of the room when she was dieing, saying I was too young to understand. All I wanted to do was say goodbye. While it wasn't my fault, I regret it to this day... so I can at least say I know how that feels.... and I hope you don't have to experience that with him...
Good luck sweetie... and sorry you have to deal with this. *hugs* Let me know if you need anything else...
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