A
female
age
30-35,
*ayleebaby
writes:My boyfriend and i, got pregnant last year, but we lost it, my boyfriend now says he is not ready to try again but i am desperate to have a baby and jus feel lost and empty without being pregnant or having a baby! Please help me i dont no what to do and i think it's going to make my boyfriend leave me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, JulietteElise  +, writes (2 February 2007):
 i hate saying this because i know it will upset you, but i feel i must warn you before you go through anymore greif and tramma from haveing a lost child. You are young, and since you are young your body is not yet fully devloped (even if it looks it on the outside), and won't be "ready" untill you are probably 19 or 20... but even that is streaching it for your and your childs health. I say this because that is why you had a miscarriage, and if you try again you will most likely miscarriage again, and unfortunitly, the more misscarriages you have, the more likely it is you might never have a healthy full leangth pregnancy due to how it affects your uterus. You obviously want a child, but now is not the time, esspically after have such a hard loss. Seeing a grief counslour (you can probably see a free one at a planned parenthood or other such places) can help guide you through this horribly painfull process. Also, you have to respect your b/f's feelings, because he is not ready to try again and possably lose anouther child....
also... if you both did have a child, could you both even afford to properly raise it? do you both have jobs, a place to live, and so forth? relaying on family is nice, but not fair to them, and you will also feel resentment from how his or yours female relitives are acting like the mom, or your child once older even thinks of this person as their mom and not you! if you are serious about haveing a child, please do resurch into how much it will cost for the first few months or even year! diapers, clothing, cribs and babey seats and strollers, babey formula, and so forth add up far more then anyone could imagine.... but look it all up... see if you could finically provide.... also talk to other girls on website forumes for younge mothers, listen and learn from their experiences.... and... as horrible as it sounds... you might not be with your b/f the rest of your life, and battleing for custedoy is very messy, and people soemtiems even use the child to manipulate eachother! ...i've seen it happen with my own eyes.... even if you both stay together, it is verrrrry difficult to raise a child while working on keeping your relationship strong, esspically during those first few months when neither of you are on a few hours of sleep because you have to feed the cild every 2 or 3 hours, and the babey cries or wants to be held, etc.... not to mention the depression some females go through after giveing birth.... and this is a LIFETIME commitment.... and you will have to finicially provide for them untill they are at least 18
it might be better to get a pet in the meantime that both of you can pickout and name and raise as your "babey," or work at a nursery if you want to hold and care for real babies.... however... i know this would probably be very painfull for you since you had a miscarriage.... please see a counslour or close adult or other female friend who maybe had the same thing happen, or talk with others on forumes devoted to women who lost their children before birth. it must be horrible knowing your child is gone, but please respect your bf's wishes as well as give yourself more time to heal, as well as for your body to mature so it can handle haveing a babey, before you try again.
best wishes hun... i'm so, sooo sorry :0(
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (2 February 2007):
 I'm sorry to hear you lost your baby. It must have been awful for you and your boyfriend. You are very young though (16-17) and have plenty of time ahead of you before you think of trying for another baby.
I suggest you go to see a grief Counsellor to help you through this, they are wonderful people and will be able to talk you through any fears you may have because of your loss. They'll also be able to help you (and your boyfriend if he wants to go with you) come to terms with it and cope.
You probably feel unloved and isolated but what you're feeling is natural. You will never be able to replace the baby you've lost but in time you'll be able to have more. You'll be older and wiser and more able to handle the responsibility having a baby requires.
Go and see a grief Counsellor love, they'll help you both come to terms with your loss.
Eve
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (1 February 2007):
 I'm sorry about your loss. There's nothing worse than losing a baby. You and your boyfriend are both grieving at the moment. While he can't imagine replacing the baby you lost, you think that's the only way you can deal with your grief. Your boyfriend is right about pausing before you have another baby. A miscarriage is an extreme physical and emotional upheval and you need to give your body and mind time to recover from it. Accept his decision. If you're meant to be together he won't leave you and if you're not meant to be then you'll be glad in the end that you never had kids together.
CD
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