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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi, what do you do when your husband has stated that he can't see himself as a father. Before we were married - we even spoke about baby names whenever we decided to have children. I would love to have children someday, not ready at the moment, possibly in another 3 years. My husband stated that he doesn't think he will ever want them, i don't know what to do. I love him but i can't live a life thinking i will never have a family, we have discussed this, and said he will let me know...what if a few years down the line, he decides no..where does that leave me? Would love to hear of anyone who was in the same situation. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (2 February 2007):
 Situations change with time. You said you and your husband spoke about kids and kids names before you were married and now he says he can't see him being a father. Possibly in another couple of years his ideals will change again. He was quite happy to think about them then. He's probably very sincere when he says he can't imagine having them, he really can't... AT THIS TIME, that's not to say in another year or two he'll still feel the same. It may happen one day totally out of the blue, then what would he do?
Let it drop for a while then bring it up again in maybe 6 months time. It might only take for a relative to have a baby and he'll be the cooing uncle, you just never know.
Eve
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (1 February 2007):
 Hey darlin',
I think it's very important that you talk to your husband about this as soon as you can. Now, if he seems really dubious about children, I wouldn't say, "well, sorry. Either we have them, or I'm leaving.", because feelings can change. Maybe right now, even thinking about babies is too much for him to handle.
I do think that you ought to sit down and tell him your concerns. Tell him that when you look into your future, you see children. That's what you want in life - for you, it is a priority. Make it clear YOUR stance on kids.
Then, let it sit with him. I wouldn't bug him for an answer right away, because let's face it - kids are a big deal. If he wants them, it should be out of his own desire for them, not because you pressured him into wanting them.
I don't know if I'm putting this right. Do you see what I mean? I wouldn't tell him, "give me an answer in the next week." I wouldn't even tell him to give you an answer. Just lay your cards out on the table and let him think about them for awhile. In a few months, bring it up again. Make it clear that you're not asking for children this second...
If in a year he is feeling pretty adamant about not having kids, then yes. Your priorities are just different in this regard and aren't going to change. If you don't have kids, you'll be unhappy and if you do have kids he'll be unhappy. That's not going to be a positive direction for your marriage to go. So, if in a year he is pretty set in not having kids, I think you should really think about what you want and whether or not he is the one to give that to you.
Good luck!
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (1 February 2007):
 Tell him he needs to decide now. If kids are important to your life and he's not willing to give them to you then you need to make a decision about which u want more and you can't do that without being aware of all the facts.
CD
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