A
female
age
36-40,
*sClara
writes:I know that I'm being selfish but I'm not happy and I can't pretend to be. My boyfriend and I got back together in July and moved in together in August. I had just moved to Germany to start work and decided to move from Ireland to Germany to be with me. Well it's months later and things are complicated, but only on my side. He's obviously crazy about me but he's working shift work and at this stage I haven't seen him properly in nearly 2 months (and I won't for the next 2 months either). I work from 8.30-18.30 and he works, evenings or nights or early mornings. All off this means that our lives are out of sync. He's in bed when I get home, or vice-versa. I feel like I'm single and that we just share a bed, plus I feel put upon as I'm doing all the housework (laundry, shopping etc.) I have my own social life, go out on my own and feel generally disconnected from him. Even when he works day shifts, he never wants to go anywhere and doesn't really have any friends. I spend all my time with my friend who's a guy, lets call him F, even going out to restaurants, to plays, to museums with him. My family came to visit a couple of months ago and they said that me and F. look more like a couple than my boyfriend and I and I realise that they are right. F. and I are even going to decorate my apartment and buy a tree for Christmas because my bf isn't here and won't be until December 23rd. I'm lonely, and even though I love my bf, I don't want to feel like our relationship is only about sleepy "I love you"s. A couple need to have things in common too. I feel more and more close to F. because he gives me the side of my relationship I can't get from my boyfriend. My boyfriend says that I should be happy during the perhaps 1 hour a day we might spend together, but I can't pretend to be. This isn't what I want, and though it's not his fault he has to work, I'm feeling overly tempted by F.'s comforting presence, even though we've always been just friends and I never thought about him like that before.I'd like to hear someone else's advice. I tried to explain how I was feeling to my bf, and he said I was just "bitching" at him and I should just leave him if I was unhappy. (Which so was not the point of the conversation)I just wanted him to understand why I feel distant even when he is around.
View related questions:
christmas, got back together, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MsClara +, writes (6 December 2010):
MsClara is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. At the moment, I'm in a wait and see phase and I'm trying to be more patient. I mean, I know he loves me, and wants us to have a future and I am not willing to give that up yet. At some point (if I see him ;))I'll need to try to talk to him properly.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2010): i felt the same for 6 months. i can understand whats going on with u n ur heart. when u really someone, u don't want to hurt him for your own happiness. bt till when would u kiil your happiness to make him happy?
i have heard of a saying " One who tries to make others happy,is the most lonely person".
so i broke up... though i still love him the most. but i m happy now.
i wont advise you to break up, but do what makes u feel better n happy...
...............................
|
