A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I spoke to a collegue of mine (who I'd liked for ages) for the first time at the very beginning of the year and we immediately clicked. We get on so well and have become quite good friends. I go for lunch with him and a few others quite regularly and we do nothing but laugh!Anyway, I now have very strong feelings for him but the problem is he is engaged to be married. We had a night out in march and we kissed when we were drunk and we both agreed we liked each other. I told him how I felt but we agreed things couldn't go further because he is getting married. Everytime I see him I get butterflies in my stomach and I get so nervous I cannot talk. He loves to take the mickey out of me and he gives me the most sexiest looks ever. Then last weekend we texting while we were out drinking (seperately) and he invited me to join him. I told him that if he wanted me as badly as I want him, he would come to where I was and the next thing I knew he was in a taxi on his way. Anyway, we had a great night and kissed again. It is clear there is an attraction both ways but he said it could only ever be a one night stand for him but he couldn't do that to me as he cares too much for me so we didn't go any further and again we agreed to stay friends. The thing is, I feel so strongly for him and I know I always will. The attraction is always going to be there. He is one of my greatest friends and I don't want to lose that. The fact he is getting married is so hard. Everytime I see him I just want to kiss him. He knows how much he means to me. I don't want to feel this way about him anymore as the fact nothing is ever going to happen is starting to really hurt me. I've never felt this way before, please help. How can I see him as just a friend??
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (23 October 2007):
 I'd be kind of pissed if I were you. If he really was attracted to you he wouldn't be getting married, I mean who's holding the gun to his head? He just having fun expoiting your feelings for him. I'd be pissed and I certainly wouldn't consider him to be a friend.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am not letting myself off the hook. I know I did wrong but I can't help the way I feel. We are friends and always will be friends no matter what. We have put on the brakes, we could have went much further but we decided not to as we don't want anyone to get hurt. What we were doing was wrong and that is why it has stopped. I just want to get rid of these feelings for him but they won't go. You think its fun being caught up on someone you can't have?? Thanks for your reply.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): Both of you need to talk, seriously talk. Seems to me that he is inlove with you and yet he is getting married. Hope that he is not making a mistake becasue then, he would be messing up someone else's life also. So I would say before he takes the vows, you two should sit down and sort your feeling out. If he decides to get married then you have to kind of stay away for a while. You said that you have strong feeling for him, this could be really heavy stuff for you. I feel bad for you. Talk to him as soon as possible.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (23 October 2007):
 The first thing you should do is STOP letting yourself off the hook and calling him a friend. He is no friend and neither are you. You're two people playing a secretive game behind his fiancées back. IS that nice?
You may have started out innocently, as they always do, but when the attention became to enticing, neither of you could put on the brakes. Now he's cheated, you've cheated and everyone is living a lie. Own up to the truth and find someone who is available.
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