A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife has been bringing up divorce lately, sometimes jokingly, sometimes not. I've never been in this situation before so I'm hoping someone can tell me whether our relationship is worth saving or if we're better off apart. My wife doesn't really have any friends here in the states (partly because she's from another country) so she's very restrictive about me doing essentially anything without her (in a manipulative way). I haven't seen any of my friends without her in the last 5 years. We lived with my parents for our first year of marriage and she now hates them and refuses to see them (even after, from what I can tell they were nothing but nice to her). Because of this I see them briefly maybe once every few weeks even though I live less than a mile away. On the contrary, we do things with her parents about every other day. I feel like a prisoner. Before, I wrote music, hung out with friends, but now I must spend every waking moment with her (when I'm not working). I used to think this was just normal marriage stuff, but now I can't help but wonder.I'm torn by what I should do because in spite of all of these things I really do love her. Thank you so much in advance to anyone who may have some advice!
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (24 October 2007):
 It sounds like it might be a jealousy problem to start off but perhaps she suffers from seperation anxiety from being in a place far away from her home surroundings. Not having friends close by can make someone feel alone. (Ex military wife here)Being alone can cause one to be depressed and make them withdraw from the outside world. (I have been there too).
Living with family memebers or others can cause relationship problems too.( Been here several times) as I am a caregiver by nature. My husband and I together with our two children lived in both of our parents' homes for a short time after the tour of duty. Not everyone sees eye to eye all the time and it can set you up for destress or even disaster.
If she is wanting you to spend time with her parents but not with yours she might have a control issue. It could even be that she is selfish in her wants. Then again it is possible that she is afraid of loosing you to someone else if she has been thru a broken relationship before. It is possible too that she has learned from other family memebers to act this way(manipulation) Whatever the problem is you need to learn to communicate your feelings directly to her. Let her know that you love her but you are in alot of turmoil over this.
You have to find a way to get thru to her so that you have a real chance at making resolving the situation and making things better. Marriage is sacred and God is in your court! Best wishes and God bless you and your family.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 October 2007):
 You are a big boy, go visit your parents whenever you want to, you don't have to ask for her permission. You are a prisoner only because you allow it. You can talk to her about it first and let her know what you've decided but just put your foot down. If she doesn't like then tough, do it anyway. Your parents aren't going to be around forever.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): If you feel strongly about this, then sit her down and talk to her like a grown man. She cannot control you like this, I know that you love her and she should not want to hurt you if she really loves you.Are you positive that your parents hasn't done anything to push her away ? If so and she wants to stay away that's fine but she should not deprive you of time with them. My inlaws and I do not speak but they have done the worst things to me, but I do not keep my husband and children from them. I am the one to constantly tell my hubby to go viste his mom and to remind him to call her etc. Good or bad, everone loves their parents and it is unfair to you that you cannot see them. Tell her how much you are hurting, let her know that if it was her and she was not allowed to spend enough time with hers how would she feel. I hope that you guys could resolve this problem soon. Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): My uncle has been going through a similar situation for years. His wife wanted nothing to do with his (my) side of the family, and wouldn't even allow anyone in their house from his family. His mother (my grandmother) died without being allowed to set foot in her own son's home. I can't imagine the kind of guilt he lives with now.
Divorce her. If she loved you, she would love your family. Don't what happened with my uncle happen to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): I was in virtually the same situation with wife No 2. There were other issues as well, but in the end we got divorced and I feel a lot happier for it and know that at the end of the day this was the right decision for us.
If she keeps this up I can only recommend that you do the same as we did unless she changes her attitude. Call her bluff and have an attorney write her a nice little letter.
She has her parents to run to for support, so there's no need to worry about her being left alone in a foreign country, and you'll get over her and move on in your life, and find someone who doesn't hold you in a straightjacket.
Best of luck - whatever you decide.
Phil
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