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female
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*racie lou
writes: I've been going out with a guy for almost 5 months, and we've done so much and been through alot together. The relationship has made me happy, don't get me wrong, but i just got back from a weekend trip where i stayed with 4 of my friends (myself, 2 others, and a couple that has been together for almost a year). Being on this trip, i saw how the couple was together. They were always together and were always there for each other. It was a sporting tournament, so for example whenever one of the two was acting tired and quiet, the other would ask if he/she were ok and would give them a hug. So today i got back to school, and i was exhausted because i had gotten at most 20 hours of sleep in 4 nights. When i saw my bf i gave him a kiss and a hug and right after we had to go to class. So once class started, there was a pop quiz and i had missed 2 of the last classes becuase of my tournament. This got me pretty down, and my day pretty much got worse as it progressed. My bf was never there for me like the couple that i had gone on the trip with. So my dilemna is that my boyfriend just doesnt seem as devoted to me as this couple was, and it's making me second guess the relationship because the trip has shown me that there could be better fish in the sea for me. I need to know whether or not to end this relationship, or what. I hesitate at the thought of ending this, because it has been a special relationship and I've never had one like this with another person, yet it seems that i want something more. I have given this person so much, yet sometimes it seems that he is unwilling to give me the same. Today i was isolated and quiet and tired, so i didnt say much to my bf, so this led him to ignore me almost. If he were in my situation, i would have been at his side. Whenever hard times come up, all he seems to do is run away from the conflict. I need help. Do i end it, talk to him about it, or what because i don't think i can keep going on like this. Things similar to this situation have happened before in the relationship. I'm scared of just talking to him about this, because every time i have confronted him with my feelings, he has become defensive and always finds a way to shift the blame on me. help please!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Random211 +, writes (12 September 2006):
 Don't put so much weight on the difference between your relationship and that of your friends. For the five years I have been with my boyfriend almost every person we know who was actively in a relationship or looking for one told us that we were "THE perfect couple"! For a long time I didn't understand what people meant when they said that. We had problems, issues and fights just like everyone else or I wouldn't be on this site,;). In time I realized we just dealt with these hurdles differently than others. One big difference I've noticed is that we never argue in front of people. That alone can give you the "perfect couple" label, especially at our age,21 & 23, but that is something we learned not to do over time. If we have a private problem, we discuss it in private.
A couple who has been together for a year will be more intune with each other than one who has been together for five months. Relationships build up over time. Right now your boyfriend might not be able to tell the difference between your "sad" emotion and your "annoyed" emotion. If you come home and your being quiet and otherwise acting outside of your normal demeanor but don't tell your man whats wrong then theres no telling how he will take it. If you come home and tell him why your being quiet, chances are he will comfort you. If he doesn't then you can consider your other options. In time he'll probably be able to tell your upset befor you even realize you are! Don't give up on something so special to you untill you know you've tried everything to make it work for both of you. Good luck!!!
A
male
reader, gat +, writes (12 September 2006):
 The grass is always greener on the otherside syndrome. Make sure you don't compare you relationship to others. Make sure you don't compare your boyfriend with any other fish in the sea.....Ofcourse theres always better. ofcourse theres always worse.....But likewise to him.there is someone better than you and for you there is someone better than him....i dont think he'll ever be as passionate as you want him to be...he's his own person...You'd be suprised at what people do when its nothing VS what they do when its everything.....Your BF doesnt seem to care much now...but,,say if you got hurt or in some accident. (he might just be there for you like you wouldnt have ever imagined...sleeping in the hospital..buying flowers.chocolates...feeding you..spoon for spoon... You just never know---the other guy who you were looking at with his GF may SEEM like he cares more..but when it comes down to the dirty work.....he may lack....far more than your bf....Try not to compare..and atleast give it a bit more tries....hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, Twiggygal +, writes (12 September 2006):
 Hello gracie lou.
I read about your situation, and have to wonder if you know the couple you went on the trip with very well? Perhaps they were loving and attentive on this trip, but maybe not all the time?
Relationships have ups and downs but also take work.
The problem I see here is that he is not as attentive to you when you are down, as you are to him. That concerns me as I've been in relationships like this where the guy just takes off, and wants nothing to do with the situation.
If your guy isn't attentive, and you've been upfront about it, when you do again approach him, don't allow him to shift the blame on you. Just say the simple facts:
You're not attentive to me. When I need you, you're not there. When you need me, I'm there for you. Why do you always run from me when I need you most?
If he just continues running away from the problem, then maybe it is time to move on, because the guy is obviously trying to push you away, and not get closer to you.
You may have not had a relationship like this with another person, but what if you found someone that could be attentive to your needs moreso than your current boyfriend?
Perhaps as well, if he isn't giving you enough attention, it may just be his personality. Maybe his personality doesn't suit you?
Maybe true compatibility may be a real issue here.
Sincerely,
Twiggygal
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