A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:During the last 8 months or so of my unhappy, abusive marriage I met up with someone I "knew of" many years ago. He expressed an interest in me but with me being married nothing could be. We stayed in contact and even flirted with each other. I started developing feelings for him, which really didn't help in my already volatile marriage but I guess he was the balance I needed with what all was going on in my home.When I knew it was over with my husband and I felt like enough was enough and I ended up meeting up with this guy which would be the first time seeing each other in all those years. There definitely was chemistry and we enjoyed each other's company but there's the fact that I'm still actually married. Well since then he has pulled away. I told him that I didn't understand why he pulled away but deep inside I figured he wasn't interested so I just told him that I really wanted us to remain friends. He told me that it seemed like I didn't like him so why would I want to be friends. He said it wasn't his intention to pull away but after thinking about it he wished he hadn't done that ("hadn't done that???" - he meant he wished we hadn't met up). Then he said he has a crazy life and it was hard to develop and maintain relationships. He said it was nothing against me; it's just the situation. I tried to get clarity from him but now he won't talk to me.I feel sad about all of this. Can you help me get some clarity with all of this so I can start to just let it go?
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female
reader, anaphaseii  +, writes (20 June 2010):
I will also echo the advice on focusing on your own life for the time being. This sounds like it could be a potentially complicated with him and you don't need any more complicated than the marriage you just came out of. Maybe you have an affinity for picking the wrong type of guys for you. Have you taken any time to truly heal from your abusive marriage?
In the end, I think you need to be okay with just letting this man go in order to start your own recovery. You've been through a LOT and being dependent on explanation of another male's action in order to let go will only hinder your progress.
Accept what is, don't question it, and spend some time on your own figuring yourself out. You have a lot to learn from your previous marriage, and from your subsequent relationship, and that should be done by you and you alone. Not to mention that a relationship starting just after the dissolution of a previous one is almost always a rebound. Do you really want to go there, especially with a guy who doesn't know what he wants? Are you sure you want that heartache?
Best of luck.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (20 June 2010):
I think he has his own problems and thought that being with you would help to solve them. It clearly didn't, so now he's even more confused and still has all his own problems.
I think right now, you need to be focused on your own life. You'be come out of this marriage, and straight into the arms of another man. You don't need to do that right now. You need to move on for now and focus on your own life, your own work, your own hobbies and such. You don't need to let more unreliable and trouble men into your life.
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