A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hiya,sorry if this is abit long, but i could really use peoples ideas on this issue, because its starting to affect me... i met my current boyfriend, in January this year, we went on a date together and i realised, we got on really well had quite a bit in common and i really liked him, we walked me home and i kissed him, and we left at that for the time being, because i go to uni in scotland, and wasnt going to be back home for about a month, he told me anyway to make sure to keep in contact with him and that we would go out again when i was back, so i did, and we keep in contact the whole time that i was in uni, and it has been like that ever since, getting more and more serious every time i come home, and its brilliant plus the distance has never really became much of an issue , cuz we know that we will see each other soon, expect for one thing.... iam now back home for around 4 months, and we are now officially together for about a month now, and i have been back here for about 2 weeks, and its great, we get on very well and have alot of fun ...except we haven’t had sex yet...its not that there isn’t any chemistry between us...or that we haven’t done anything sexual because we have, but every time, we get near sex (this only really happens when we are drinking because sober, he is very refined) something always seems to be in the way (he cant get it up, or he hears someone upstairs, doesn’t want to take advantage of me etc...) another problem as well is he has quite religious parents who don’t like us having sex before marriage, so makes it difficult to be 'alone' in his house and my parents don’t like the idea either, so that kinda leaves us we nowhere to go alone...except in his car, which he believes isn’t the right place for it (to me its now the only place lol) I have talked to my friends about this they think that he is either a virgin and is nervous (he is 25), which i think would be unlikely, or gay (which is even more unlikely to me)so i don’t know why he seems to avoid having sex. For example last week it was his birthday and we got quite drunk...we tried to go back to his house but his mother has not having me stay...so we walked back to my house, getting quite horny (he suggest foreplay but i was on my period so i had to say no)...in the end we suggested that we just go away for the weekend, somewhere so we can be alone and finally have sex after meeting 6 months ago, but in the end he cancelled saying his was too hungover, so i asked him again for this weekend, again he said yes to begin with then.. he said he needed to see about other plans etc..and then eventually no because of money issues (which is fair enough) but he just seems to be always putting it down, yesterday as well again, i asked him should we go for a little drive somewhere excluded, he agreed to begin with, but then couldn’t make it on time. Another thing is he never mentions anything about it...never insists it, unless he has had a few drinks...there has been times, when he have been alone, but he just keeps it clean to a few kisses and thats it...i know he is attracted to me and we do have chemistry...but i don’t know whether he is a virgin (because i wouldn’t ask him, just in case he actually isn’t) or whether its been a while and he is just really nervous or something else i am over looking...anyone any similar experiences or ideas whats causing this? Would be most appreciated xx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Having religious parents really puts a lot of pressure on the partner when it comes to sex.
I found this out. I dated a very religious girl. We
started having sex. At first, it was great, but then eventually the guilt started to weigh down on her. Going to church every Sunday, hanging out with her Youth Group, all she ever heard about was how wrong sex out of wedlock was.
Yet here she was every night doing it with me.
Eventually it got to the point where she would cry after sex every time, and hate herself, yet she couldn't live without it.
Eventually the relationship was crushed by the religion.
Made me very sad cause i was madly in love with the girl.
I would definitely sit him down and talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel, about how you feel like you're both ready to take it to the next level. Ask him how he feels about that. What are his thoughts.
I wish you luck!
A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Well why don't you talk to him about it? If you feel that you're close enough to be intimate to each other but it just hasn't happened yet, you should be able to first talk about it before you take the step. I don't think it should happen when one/both of you is intoxicated. That detracts from the significance of the act. Speak to him, ask him why. Ask him if he has any fears. Go on birth control if you aren't already.
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