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*enisemargaret
writes:i have been married for eight years love my husband to bits but we have not had any physical contact since we got married, is this normal? do you think he is having sex with someone else, i feel like i have turned into his mother, i really feel i need to have the experience again of a loving relationship with someone who is going to love me in all ways but i dont want to hurt my husband don't know what to do Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2012): It sounds as if he could be asexual. An asexual person can be in love without feeling the need for affection.
Some asexuals avoid sex but are okay with holding hands, etc., while others don't want any physical contact at all.
If this is the case, your husband should've told you before you married.
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female
reader, denisemargaret +, writes (16 August 2012):
denisemargaret is verified as being by the original poster of the questionall the replies given all make a lot of sense, i don't think i should be in this relationship, he does say he loves me sometimes but we dont have proper kisses and cuddles more a quick peck, i have asked him why we dont do anything he says if i dont like it i know what to do. i have never been on my own, my first marriage ended after 21 years then i met my second husband at first everything was great but gradually things came to a halt, even on our wedding night there was no physical contact, i think i am to scared to break up just because i dont think i would cope on my own,
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2012): No it's not normal. I wonder what sort of relationship you have - are you married to a good friend rather than a lover? After 8 years it might be difficult to deal with this as he probably thinks you are ok with things as they are. I suspect that he has a problem which you are no aware of - a fear of intimacy or any number of issues. I'm afraid a direct conversation is the only way to proceed and you need to make it clear that something has to change - 8 years is a long time, don't waste any more years.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2012): It sounds to me that he only married you for stability and nothing else. Have you asked him why he doesn't feel the need for passion with you?
Does he ever tell you he loves you? Even once in a while?
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male
reader, Bob Loblaw  +, writes (16 August 2012):
8 married years with no sex? And no sex since your wedding day? That's not normal. Not only is that not normal, that is downright bizarre. Have you ever had sex with him?
Unless you provide more information, there's no way I can offer any advice. You say you love him to bits, but why? It sounds like he is absolutely cold to you. If you love him anyway, that may be only because he is holding you emotionally captive, and that you are letting him. If that's the case, you may have some very serious self-esteem issues.
Either way, you both need serious help here. Seek professional counseling immediately. I mean it.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 August 2012):
 8 years of no sex? No, that isn't normal. Sounds to me that he married you to get a free housekeeper.
You need to sit him down and talk to him. It's not fair on you to be stuck in a loveless marriage.
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female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (16 August 2012):
 You have not had sex AT ALL in 8 years? Or do you mean just not often? And by physical contact, do you mean he also doesn't hug/kiss you ever? If you have not had sex once in 8 years there is something very, very wrong. Do you initiate and he turns you down? We need a bit more information. From the little information I have I would assume he is not straight.
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female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (16 August 2012):
 Have you sat down and discussed this with him? Tell him how you feel, ask him why he isn't intimate with you.
Have you tried initiating sex? Do you get any physical contact at all, like hugs or kisses?
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female
reader, starstrukkx3 +, writes (15 August 2012):
 Wow. I don't mean to hurt you honey, but 8 years with no physical contact is a long time. I don't think that's normal.
However it doesn't mean he's cheating! Perhaps he just isn't a very sexual person? I think you need to have a sit-down with your man and ask him outright why he won't have sex with you. You, as his wife, deserve the truth. Assure him that you love him, and want to be loved by him physically. If he's unwilling to cooperate, then the choice is up to you. If it's what YOU want, you could offer him an ultimatum - either he opens his eyes and you consummate your marriage, or you'll leave him. This is only, of course, if this is what you want.
I hope this situation works out for you and you get the love you deserve. :-)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2012): That isn't normal and you could annul your marriage if you haven't had sex. Have you spoken to him about it? Do you think maybe he could be gay? I don't think he's having an affair because you would of had sex at some point in time and after a while he would of strayed. Some People just don't like sex, he may not have any interest in it at all. I don't think its an affair, it may be psycological.
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