A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm am 16 years old and have a confusing relationship with a 21 year old. When our strange relationship started we talked about what we would do because of the age difference. We both wanted to let our parents know about us however we were scared they would force us to stop seeing each other. We both want to make it a true relationship though. He has been telling his mom that we are just friends which in a way is true. However she knows that we are always talking and has met mein person and on the phone. She also allows me to come over and see him when he is there. We also think that she has figured out that we are in a way more than friends and does not have that much of a problem with it has far has we know. However I told my parents and they don't like it at all. We now have to go behind my parents back to see each other which bothers both of us. Does anyone have any advice on how we can help my parents accept us or at least allow us to see each other without going behind their backs? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, JGSM  +, writes (19 July 2009):
 Hey !I totally agree with the others that have replied. You must tell your parents that it is actually your life, and if they think that you are too young tell them that you must grow up sometime! And to make your own decisions, what you think is the best for you is a step. He is only 21, that's not many years in difference. Of course I don't know you, and how mature you are but you gotta be a little more mature then the normal 16 year olds if a 21 year old wants you. And of course guys are not as mature as the girls at our young ages. That's a fact, so I can not see a problem here. Now tell your parents that this is how the situation is, so they should do everything they can to make the best of it. You can move out of their house in two years. TWO YEARS, only. They must let you begin being an adult. You must be able to have responsibility, if you show them that you have that they might start to like your boyfriend and realize that he is good for you, and you are good for him.Wish you the best of luck, keep us notified./S
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): seeing as you are 16 they cannot stop you seeing each other so dont worry about that x
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A
female
reader, AK2009  +, writes (7 July 2009):
Have you tried sitting down and having a conversation with your parents? I know it's difficult, because both you and your parents will probably get defensive, and that's how fights start.What you need to do is talk to them, without mentioning your boyfriend first. Tell them that you want them to listen without interrupting, and you want to talk to them like an adult. Keep calm and they will. You need to make sure that you talk to them on the weekend if they both work, then they are less likely to be stressed with work issues.Once you've sat them down and they've accepted you have something to say to them, then start talking about relationships - I know this is a real puke moment, but it needs to be done. Tell them that you're older now, and know what you have to expect from a relationship.I've found with my mother that she understands I like older guys because I often act mature and talk about how guys my age are very immature. She knows that I like guys a lot older - from 5 to 25 years older - and although she may not like it, accepts my ability to assess whether they're 'relationship material'You can tell them that you've continued seeing this guy, even though they didn't approve. Don't immediately assume that they will, but if they blow up and start shouting at you, don't react, let them get it out of their system, before you say something like 'Please don't shout at me, I want you to listen to what I have to say so we can discuss it. It upsets me when you shout at me.'Tell them about this guy, who he is, why you like him etc. But DON'T WHINE! Nothing will make them see as a child more than you whining about your boyfriend. Mention that you want to keep seeing him, even though he is so much older, because you view him as a person rather than as his age, and you'd like them to do the same.Once you have told them this, ask them why they didn't approve, and do the same as you expected from them; don't interrpt what they have to say.You need to keep calm and discuss this situation. A common problem is people shout to get their point across and it ends up in arguments.If talking to them face to face is too difficult, write them a note. They can't get angry at a piece of paper. Leave it for them to find one day when you go out, somewhere they can find it easily. They'll read it, get angry, probably try to call you and demand you come home - to which you tell them that you don't want to come home if they are angry and are just going to start a fight with you - once they're over the initial shock they'll calm down and think about it.Sorry if this is all jumbled up and doesn't make a lot of sense.Don't confront them holding your boyfriend's hand like determined lovers; that will just make them view you as a child.Keeping calm is important, because it shows that you can control your emotions, and that usually is percieved as an 'adult' thing to do.
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