A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need to tell somebody - anybody who is willing to listen. I have things bottled up that I need to get out in the open, so I can really spend some time and think about it. Thanks to all those who take the time to read this.My boyfriend is responsible for controlling and abusive behavior. I simply cannot have a life without him, unless I want to hear from him about it. I can't even believe that I would take him back after everything he has ever done to me, the names he has called me and the stress he has put me under.But still here I remain, by his side, and I wonder why? Do I feel as if I deserve this? Where was the signed agreement that I had to be tied down to him forever?He use to pressure me to have sex. He would try to get down my pants and I would say no, but he would not listen and he'd say things like, "it's okay baby, it's okay" eventually I would give in because I am afraid of what would happen if I don't - but I would always cry after.I really don't know what is so great about him. Sure they are days he can make me happy, and I feel swept off my feet - but are those days worth all the other days I have to suffer?I feel regretful, misunderstood. I am simply guilty for the behavior I put up with - and then I complain about it after. I am sure people are sick of me crying about it - and then never listening to what they have to say.I am scared of the future, If I broke it off with him. Would I regret it? and realize that I just lost something great? If I risked getting into this relationship - why cant I risk getting out?Do I honestly believe that I will never find somebody else? or am I scared that he will find somebody else?They say good things happen to those who wait. Is this true? and if it is, why can't I follow through with it? Why am I so desperate to be with him? Why am I so impatient?I am having trouble trying to find myself. I think I have lost my mind and I can't find it. I am so worn down and washed out - I feel like I cannot take anymore of this. I feel like the pain of loosing him - is much greater then the pain of staying with him.I am scared of heart break. I hate the emptiness you feel when you wake up in the morning. I hate the constant worrying of what they are doing. Are they thinking about you? Do they miss you?He has an std - but I stay with him? Am I that stupid? If I don't have it - how does he? Did he cheat on me even though he swore he has not?I am always left feeling guilty for the mistakes I have made but somehow things he has done are never brought up. He doesn't even put that into consideration when we are arguing.Maybe he has forgot everything he has done. Maybe I should remind him. I know I need to find away out of this, but I am scared of regret. I am scared of pain. I really don't know how much more I can take of this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2009): I too am having the same troubles and can tell you it could be because you feel pitty for him and the way he is or maybe just being scared of being alone .I know with mine it is both .Really all we are doing is enabling them to continue doing what they want to do and the whole while bending and bowing to their every need .What I am doing is putting space between myself and him so that I can see I can make it on my own and he will see that if he nevers changes his ways he will be alone for the rest of his life or until some one else comes into his life that is willing to deal with what he dishes out and it will probably always just be a circle for him until he chooses to make some changes ..~~~~~GOOD LUCK~~~~
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2009): yes if you leave him you most probably will wonder have you done the right thing, its the change you are getting used to, even when you know deep down that you have deffinately done the right thing, you still have to come to terms with it. we all do not like heartbreak, and some of us tend to stay around to try and avoid facing it, but eventually we do have to face it.we can get so attached to one person, and when that person shows that they are not good for us, we cling on to the happier days we had with them in the hope that one day it will always be like that. It never is. He has teated you badly, and you are allowing him to continue. Maybe you are afraid of being alone? but isnt that better than living your life as you are now? he is not good for you.I am hoping you find it in yourself to leave this person, because after reading your post, i see that you are in a bad place right now. This life is the only one you have (as far as we know) please do not waste any more of it on him.You will meet someone else, and you will see just what it is to have a loving caring partner.I was in your position around five years ago, and i had all the thoughts you have now. I eventually got the mindset to leave him, and i can say from my heart, i have never looked back. I am in love with someone else, i am teated with respect, and i see now that i should have left sooner.If i can do it then you can. Go on girl, show him you are worth alot more, give yourself a better life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2009): I too am having the same troubles and can tell you it could be because you feel pitty for him and the way he is or maybe just being scared of being alone .I know with mine it is both .Really all we are doing is enabling them to continue doing what they want to do and the whole while bending and bowing to their every need .What I am doing is putting space between myself and him so that I can see I can make it on my own and he will see that if he nevers changes his ways he will be alone for the rest of his life or until some one else comes into his life that is willing to deal with what he dishes out and it will probably always just be a circle for him until he chooses to make some changes ..
~~~~~GOOD LUCK~~~~
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A
female
reader, bobbles32 +, writes (7 July 2009):
 oh god, sweetie. Please just leave him. The initial hurt sucks, but it doesn't suck as much as being raped. He's not good, and he has some issues to work on. You can find someone better! STDs don't just happen.. They have to be sexually transmitted.. so if he didn't have it when you two started dating and just randomly got it and you don't have it then he has more than likely cheated on you. You can do way better. If he wonn't leave you alone then get a restraining order. Just, please leave him.. and let me know how you're doing. good luck dear.
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (7 July 2009):
 Run, run, run. You're too young to have an asshole dragging you down. That hideous feeling of emptiness goes away after a while, and trust me, even if he finds someone else he'll treat them like crap too. You can't be in love with someone who treats you badly so please stop kidding yourself, you deserve respect but you wont get it 'til you respect yourself enough to get out of the situation. When someone puts you down all the time it grinds away at your self-esteem and self-perception, and you start to believe you don't deserve anything else. Guys who have to bully women are weak, spineless, ugly people. If you can get yourself away from him, and stay away, in a fairly short time you'll see him for the snivelling jerk he is and you'll kick yourself for putting up with him for so long. Life's too short to hang out with creeps.
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