A
male
age
36-40,
*eldman
writes:Theres this girl that i met about a month ago.She is simply amazing, but she has 1 problem. she has a boyfriend. We've talked about our feelins about each other. We both like each other, and if we were both single wed be dating. She's asked me what she should do, and ive told her that its not my decision. I don't know if i should stick around to see what happens or move on to the next person. I talk to her everyday for like 12hrs of the day. My question is should i stick around or move on?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): i agree with the previous comments, by asking you for advise she's testing you. seeing how willing you are to put up with the situation before she's totally made up her mind.
But i have to warn you! ive been in this situation, it's totaly fair to give her some time to decide what she really wants, but you have to make sure that she will make up her mind! I would stick around for about a month, if nothings happend by then, nothing will happen. You dont want to spend al this time with her, and totally fall for her only for her to break your heart...ive been there, its awful.
At the end of the day, if the only problem is that she has a bf, she can easily fix that if she knows what she wants.
...just dont let her have both.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): You're right to let her make her own decisions. Now on to the math. She talks for 12 hours a day with you. Allowing for 8 hours sleep, that leaves 4 hours spare in her day for the other fella. So taking into account time spent cooking, washing and ironing, I guess she doesn't speak to him all that much!
I'd say you're top dog at the moment, but the first flushes of a romance are always that way. Being with or living with someone tends to dull the ardour somewhat once the initial excitement wears off.
If you can spare the time and have the patience, give her a month, say, to make up her mind, and tell her after the deadline has passed you're going to move on with your life and look for someone who you can be with full-time.
Phil
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (12 January 2008):
 "She is simply amazing, but she has 1 problem. she has a boyfriend".
SHE's got one problem... She has a boyfriend? Why has SHE got a problem? I assume she's unhappy in this relationship then?
I can't see what the issue is if you've "talked about our feelins about each other. We both like each other, and if we were both single wed be dating" then why doesn't she leave?
If she isn't happy she should end it BEFORE moving on to someone new in my opinion. I'm not saying this is the case but it sounds like you might be her backup plan? Or perhaps you are fulfilling her needs from another perspective where her boyfriend isn't?
If she's aware of your feelings, maybe, by asking you what you think she should do she is testing you to see hohw serious you really are? I'm not saying this is the case, you both know the situation far better than I do, but from experience some people don't like to be single and will continue with a relationship that isn't right until something better comes along.
Perhaps you're getting mixed signals and she sees you only as a best friend and is simply asking you from a man's perspective? I often chat to girls all the time about stuff just to get a woman's viewpoint.
"She's asked me what she should do, and ive told her that its not my decision"
Sounds like you're sort of doing the right thing here. From you're point of view you're not putting any pressure on her and you're right in that she has to make up her own mind about what she actually wants. She sounds a bit confused, or torn maybe?
However, from her point of view you're still being supportive and there as a good friend. She might see this as a signal you're not THAT into her and this is why she might be hesitating; putting off making a decision; taking the risk.
"I don't know if i should stick around to see what happens or move on to the next person. I talk to her everyday for like 12hrs of the day. My question is should i stick around or move on?"
Well, this depends on how much you like her? I think, and this is only my opinion, you should have a proper talk with her and sort it out. Tell her you really want to see her and take things slow but she has to end the relationship, it is a risk, but then if she's really that unhappy in her relationship then she's best of out of it, whether it be with you or somebody else.
If you just move on to the next person then she'll either probably feel jealous and down about it, or she'll be relieved she didn't take the risk as you can't have liked her that much.
Tricky, since you cannot wait forever and if you 2 cannot get it together you might just have to move on and stay as friends.
This is not an easy situation to be in but I wish you the best of luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): tell her that you want to stick around for her but she has to give you some kind of idea of what decision she might make.
this way you will know from her whether to move on to other girls or not.
plus she will be impressed that you are willing to stick around for her if she wants (as long as you phrase it all right)
gd luck shes a lucky girl
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