A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am 38 spent a lifetime with my husband married him when i was 18,hung through it all and now i am not so sure,i am just confused on how to tell him i am not in love with him anymore.I care for his well being ,i truley feel we are best friends in the end,it is all it is, we havent even touched each other in over a year now.We have grown apart some, where along the lines,i dont know, if it is the age gap we carry,that he is 10 years older and as we grew up we both kinda fell into our own things or what happened.There is alot to it then just that, alot has happened over 20 years together,i guess im more worried about what will happen to him,if i tell him,how i can tell him,will it kill our friendship the bond we do share?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2007): You sound to me the type of person who cares very deeply. I think you need to consider exactly how you feel and if you really can end this after 20 years. I know it is a long time, but if you are not happy then something has to be done. Have you tried some kind of marriage guidance? Do you think it might benefit the two of you? It sounds to me like some outside help is needed now, but what a shame to split up after all these years together. Have you had a good talk to each other. I think you both need to get out in the open with each other just how you both feel.
Take care and i wish you both well.
xx
A
female
reader, Millyella  +, writes (14 February 2007):
 I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. It's hard to think that a long-running relationship might be coming to a natural end after 20 years. You sound like you have given this a lot of thought. I'm sure you have considered that you are just in a 'down' period, and have been thinking about this for some time.
My advice is to seek counselling for yourself only, at least initially. A good counsellor will help you to identify your feelings and their origin. You will also be able to explore possibilities for the future. I think a lot of women feel this way in their thirties. They see life stretching out ahead of them, not everlasting but finite. And with that realisation, comes the desire for 'more'.
I know you're worried about your husband, after all you still love him. But in the end, it may come down to a choice between his happiness and yours. And we're all ultimately responsible for our own happiness in life.
Think about the counselling. You know that there won't be any easy answers, but at least with a trained professional you will be confident of weighing your options up carefully.
Good luck with whatever you ultimately decide.
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