A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everyone!Iam so sad and disappointed at the moment and really dont know what to do. Please tell me what the best thing I have to do right now.I have been with a man for 4 months, I really had fun with him, and of course we had sex ( great sex). In the beginning, he told me that he currenly broke up and did not want to have a new relationship, I excepted it, since I thought I would never fall in love with him, just wanted to go with him for fun since I was so very lonely at that time. But now, everything has " gone wrong". My feelings has changed. I has found out he is a very interesting guy, caring and so sweet. He like me and care about me. Everytime I was in trouble or sadness, I called him and he was there with me,talked with me, solaced me, tried to make me laugh. He said he never wanted to see me unhappy and i was important to him. 3 weeks ago, I went to his house, I cried and said to him I felt lonely all the time and I wanted to have a real relationship. Then he said to me that we had to stop since he could not be my boyfiend, but I did not exceped it, so we were still together.But today, I just felt so sad and lonely, I called him and told him how I felt and I wanted more than sex and friendship. He said no, he said " he really like me a lot but this is not our time, he doesnt have love to give right now, he is not going to fall in love with anyone right now, he is not in that place in life at the moment..... He said iam very important to him, and he is always there so if whenever I need someone to talk just call him, he will be there for me. But I dont think so, I can not just see him as a friend anymore and I think the reason he doesnt want to have a new realtionship because he can not move on, he still have a lot of feelings for his ex, he can not forget her. I can tell this because I know when he was with me, he still saw his ex..... So what will I have to do now. Iam so sad, I really miss him alot and I want to see him. I miss his smile, I miss his eyes when he looked at me, I miss his arms when he gave me tight hugs, I miss falling asleep in his arms.....What can I do, I have been crying alot today to think that I will never see him again. Will he miss me, will he feel sad if I never see him again. Will he change his mind, I dont know. I miss him and I dont want to losse him. What can I do? Please tell me........
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really appreciate all the helpful advice for me. Yes, I wish he was a bad man, so it would be easy for me to forget him. Iam trying very hard these days to keep me busy so I will not have time to think about him, but it just works for a while!!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2009): Sorry babes, he doesn't sound like a bad man. He didn't lie to you, but he has no heart to offer a woman, all he has is his body, his heart is dead. You did nothing wrong, he probably cares, but not enough, not enough to give you the love and the respect you deserve. Two people who meet at the wrong time. Dry your tears, this man is not the right guy for you, he made you smile for a while, you made him happy for a little time, and that's enough.. Next time, the next guy will be right for you. You have done nothing wrong and you have no reason to be ashamed.
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A
male
reader, django  +, writes (27 January 2009):
Initially I thought that he maybe has feelings for you but does not want to give you false hopes by admitting to it, but if you say you're not the only one.. if you're *absolutely* sure of that, then yes, you have some good advice about what to do here, and it sure ain't easy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhy I became so weak and stupid like this!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi! Today was so strange! Look what happened. Me and one of my friend wanted to go swimming, but he just left his stuff at my " FWB man" house. So he asked me to come there with him to pick them up. Again, I said ok, because I still wanted to see that guy!!!!! So we went there and after 10 mins waiting outside, that man came down with haft naked and very " shy" when he saw me. I knew someone in his room at that moment !
Oh God, I know he is " Casanova" . Everyone call him that. But why Iam so stupidly fall in love with him. I hate this, I hate this, hate this. I need to be strong now! That man doen't worth it, no he doesnt but why I feel so hurt now? Iam crying now, for God sake, I hate this........
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi! Thanks all of you for your honest advice. Yes, Satindesire, this is one of my biggest mistake in my life. I should have known FWB relationship is very dangerous and selfish and of course it doent have any romance but I fell into it stupidly. But you know, at the moment haft of me want to move on, forget him, I even erased his number on my phone, But haft of me I really still hope he might change his mine. I can not help it, I can not ask my heart stop hoping
And yes Lovesalias, you are right, maybe I love the ways he makes me feel. He always give me sweet words, sweet hugs, sweet " sex" and I know he doent do it for only me. But I still feel happy when he does it for me.
On the other hand, deep inside my heart, I feel jealous, helpless and my pride was deeply wounded. I ask myself why i can " win his heart " why I can make his heart warm again. I did all my best I could, I was really nice to him and I truly like him. and yes " Reader" why he ignore my feelings? He told me today that : " Iam smart, iam special I will be ok" Oh, I felt really hurt to hear that, he was so cold, so after 4 months he like me only for sex, he does not have any feelings even a little bit for me? That hurt me a lot.
Right now, I just want to forget everything, forget him, but I know it is imposible, but I will try.......
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (25 January 2009):
 I feel your pain but im going to have to be cruel and say "wake up" he sounds a lovely fella but I doubt he will ever fall in love with you, he just wants to be a big strong man for you to lean on and he wants sex but he does not want the commitment of a real relationship.
He may even be still sleeping with the ex or has he even split with her, does he still hope she will come back to him? who knows what is going on in his head.
One thing is for certain and that there will be no happy ending for you, so best ditch this man now, cry and cry then dry your eyes and move him from your heart and move on, spend some time really getting over him and then when you are ready, hit the dating scene and see what is out there, there will be a bloke for you one day when the time is right, you are young and time is on your side.
Best ditch him now as the pain is going to be bad now but worse if you let this go on and on.
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reader, missindependant39 +, writes (25 January 2009):
Lovesailias What a wonderful way with words you have - do you know what, that point.'Try to think about his imperfections, and remove him from the pedistal you've put him on'- is so very true and what I should do in my own sitution. I feel sorry for this poster, I can feel her pain and feel so sorry for her. Of course the more time you spend with a person, feelings will grow stronger.Cutting a person out of ones life may be hard at the beginning, easier said than done, but it's like cold turkey and she will get there in the end.Good luck to the poster xx
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reader, IdontKnoY  +, writes (25 January 2009):
I really hate that you are going through this. I have experienced a similar situation like this. It really sucks when your dealing with a man who is still in love with his ex. To be honest I think in the back of his mind he might be wanting to get back with his ex. You need to really sit down and talk to him about this fact. You really need to have a heart-to-heart with him to see where his heart is. If you learn that is with his ex then you have to leave him alone. Being so attached to him is only going to make matters worst. I know it is going to be hard, but wasting time being lonely and unhappy is such a waste of time.
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reader, lovesalias +, writes (25 January 2009):
 Hi hun,
I want you to take a look at the situation. Analyse what it is that you love about this man. I don't think it is him that you love, I think that you love the way he makes you feel. People come in and out of our lives for reasons, seasons, and lessons. Find what his purpose in your life is. He could be there to make you a stronger person, to make you realize what you want in a relationship even if it is not necessarily with him.
You have to respect that he was honest and cared enough about you to tell you that he is emotionally unavailable and does not want to lead you on or make you wait for him to be ready. I know that this is a difficult period for you but someone can not give their love to another unless they first love themselves and it doesn't sound like he loves himself very much.
I am sure that you are a smart, beautiful, ambitious young lady that any man would be lucky to have. Realize that you are deserving and worthy of a man who will be there and give his heart to you as you give yours to him. The best realtionships are those that are give and take filled with loves flowing in both directions from one another. You deserve that and you will find that. Go ahead and grieve for your lost love and know that he does care for you just not in the same way or extent that you care for him. Realize your worth find your lesson say a prayer for strength and conviction and you will be fine.
I am not going to lie you will hurt for a while but you will find that this too shall pass and the lord never closes a door without having another one open to bigger and better things! I hope this helps!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2009): Oh gosh, I got tears in my eyes when reading your post, I can really feel your pain. I'm so sorry you are feeling down.
That void in your life when he's not around is soooo hard to fill, I can completely understand it. Am in a similar situation and it's really not easy.
But at least you have a clear understanding of what you want from him, even if he's not able or willing to give it to you for whatever reason.
The easiest solution would be to cut him out of your life completely, but we both know you aren't strong enough to do that at the moment.
Perhaps it would help you to realise he's maybe not all that perfect as you've imagined him to be. Try to think about his imperfections, and remove him from the pedistal you've put him on.
It's really his loss that he can't commit to you. If he can't see what kind of wonderful woman you are, then stuff him!
He seems to be a very selfish and arrogant person for not taking your emotions and feelings into consideration. And if he still has feelings for his ex, you can't anything about that.
You really need to sit down and figure out what you want. Make a decision and stick to it. If he can't give you what you need and want, then don't give him what he wants from you. Perhaps you can gradually get rid of him, and find other ways of occupying yourself so you don't need to think so much.
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