A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a question for all you guys/girls out there. I have a close male friend who owns a vacation property (cabin) on a lake with his wife. A few times a year he has an all guy weekend, There's a lake, a boat, a shooting range, etc. Lots of drinking and 'guy' stuff.We're all kind of close in age, all of us except 1 are married (he is divorced), so we do a lot of male bonding. Well, we've done stuff from stupid drunk antics to skinny-dipping in the lake (sometimes drunk, sometimes during the day on a dare), so, we've all seen each other naked and no big deal, just a bunch of guys hanging out and letting lose.This past weekend, it was real nice here and my friend had his 'spring opening' weekend. It's where as many of us guys that can make it, go up and help Jim clean up, fill the grill, chop wood, stock the fridge/pantry, etc. We work hard during the day, and cook over the campfire at night and do a lot of drinking. The one guy joked that he gained about 15 pounds over the winter and was glad it was too cold at night to go skinny-dipping. He joked that he needed to diet and hit the gym for a month before beach time. We continued with a lot of guy bull talk and drinking, and someone pulled out cards for us to play poker (actually we play dealers choice, but it's usually poker hands), this new guy took his turn to deal and suggested that we play strip poker. We were in shock and thinking he was joking, but one of my friends said 'what are you, a f**king homo?'. Now we have dissention amongst our friends. Some think that Mike (who said the homo comment) went overboard and was too harsh, but most of us think that the new guy was a little weird for suggesting that a bunch of guys (there were 7 of us) play strip poker. I mean we've seen each other naked (except the new guy), but that's after a shower, or horsing around in the lake, that just seems like OK guy bonding. Strip poker for guys only does seem a little bit queer to me. If it wasn't shot down by the Mike comment, I'm not sure I would have participated, it just seems wrong or something.Did Mike go overboard? Should Jim not ever invite this new guy to hang with us again in hopes that this will just all blow over? Or are we a bunch of straight guys who 'might' feel a little insecure and need to talk it out why Mike acted so strongly? I say just ignore it and see what happens next time, but I know Mike has it in for this new guy and won't ever let him be part of the 'group', it's Jim's place though, and he and this guy are good friends also. What to do......
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): Relax. Probably the new guy is gay. So what? Tell him no one else is, so don't push it. In fact, you should ask him if he is, and get to learn a little about gay culture. It doesn't mean you'll be converted.The reason for same-sex skinny-dipping isn't titillation, it's freedom from The Suit. It feels good, and why should a suit be necessary if no ladies are present? 50 years ago, it was common for men to skinny-dip together. YMCAs and other pools had men-only times. So tell Mike to tone it down. "Fucking homos" are OK. It's a big world with room for us all. Blame it on the booze.
A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (22 April 2008):
 Is it all a posibility that in his eagerness to be accepted by the group, he got a bit drunk, said somthing a bit stupid, and f**ked up. If he really is straight he must have felt awfully embarased. Maybe he was nervous, and just put his foot in it. I do all the time, especially when I meet new people.
Blimey! the times I have met new women in groups of friends, and asked if any wanted a lesbian romp.
I agree with Dear Uncle Phil though, it does sound fun. Can I come along and bring some girlfriends.
XX
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (22 April 2008):
 He is new and he should be excused for suggesting that.
You do expect somethings like this to happen in a group meet
as he needs to feel for the orientation of your group.
It was only a suggestion and it should not be taken harshly.
It will take some time for him to be accepted into your circle of friends.
He will have to learn the unspoken rules in your group.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (22 April 2008):
 Hi,
well for one, no straight guy would ever suggest this. Seriously you shouldnt even have to think about it.
Now some people could assume that the comment was a bit harsh, but sitting around the campfire with a bunch of guys? It would be the least I would expect.
So the guy is most likely gay but given the comment I would suggest he is not out in the open about it, its a sleazy thing to say . What you really should be focusing on here is the fact that he is uncomfortable "coming out" amongst friends.
So the friend has every right to call out the strip poker guy, this is not a concerned citizens group discussing the merits of equal opportunities its a bunch of guys hanging out drinking beer and playing poker - anything goes, and if someone who is a bit confused in their sexuality lets it slip out - he should be expected to be called on it!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008): Female Anonymous - Unfortunately the system on this site is such that I cannot reply in private to an anonymous poster. You have to register - to 'come out' if you will.
Even if I could reply to your question privately, I'd have difficulty because I can't really understand the question. Perhaps I'm thick or something.
The idea of me putting that particular statement in my profile was that if people know that I dislike homosexuals, they're not likely to message me privately with their questions on a subject which I consider refers to practices which I find abhorrent in the extreme - and I have my reasons for doing so which I'm not willing to go into here or anywhere else.
It's not a negative comment - it's a positive comment which states that I positively detest homosexuals and their unnatural tendencies - and that's it as far as I'm concerned - end of story, and there's no way you'll get me to think otherwise.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (21 April 2008):
 Hmmmm. Never known a bunch of straight guys that would talk about a game of strip poker unless drunk girls were involved too! I think that Mike's reaction was pretty normal for a guy, and there's always one guy in the crowd that would have jumped all over a comment like this one. Sounds like he is either bi or gay, but I very much doubt that it was the booze talking - I don't switch teams after a glass or two!
Whether or not the new guy will fit in and become a cabin regular, only time and Jim will sort out! Even if the new guy makes anyone else uncomfortable, it's Jim's cabin and he gets to issue the invitations.
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A
female
reader, A Cappella +, writes (21 April 2008):
 Sorry for the "s/he" in my post -- it's my habit of inclusion, not a subtle comment on any of the personalities in the cabin.
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A
female
reader, A Cappella +, writes (21 April 2008):
Have a private conversation with each to see what s/he meant. You'll never know otherwise. Without knowing all the facts you run the risk of doing the wrong thing.
So you need to know: is Mike a homo-phobe, and is the new guy gay? Did Mike mean his comment the way it came out?
I do think it's a little weird that the new guy is so conscious about how he and everyone else looks, but that doesn't mean he's gay. (It could though.)
Seriously, follow-up and find out. How you respond to these guys should follow what they meant rather than how you're interpreting it.
In the end, it's up to Jim who gets invited. It's his cabin.
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A
female
reader, Jmo +, writes (21 April 2008):
 I honestly think that Mike thought nothing of it. It was probably nothing more than drunk guy stuff. Believe me I've seen worse with my guy friends who are straight and we all have a good laugh about the next morning. Don't make too much of it.
-Jmo
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008): To the poster, ostracizing begins this way, dear, the newcomer will most probably never be accepted in your 'fun' group and those of you who will seem to do so, may lose their status inside the group. You have a whole hierarchy there, and seem to have already crowned your king, the place owner. What can I say!This discussion will inevitably eventually turn into a "(dis)like homosexuals" topic. My dear friends, genetics, as it has been scientifically proved, plays a determinant role in the presence of homosexual tendencies!! Call it a disease, if you like, those you who "dislike homosexuals intensively," as any other genetic disorder. I don't blame these individuals for genic combinations, but will avoid a detailed debate of their choices and lifestyles. Mr Phil, one of the first comments in your profile was the one referring to your profound dislike of homosexuals. Please, why did you choose a negative to represent you principally? 'I am represented essentially by what I dislike, what I am not, what I don't do' as opposed to 'what I like, what I (think I) am' ??? I used to know a person who described herself by things she did not do, and have been since wondering why people prefer this? I'm an ignorant! Could you answer this? In private if you wish!
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (21 April 2008):
 I think the guy is gay or bi or strange, yes. A straight guy just wouldn't suggest strip poker in a group of guys, unless he's a real idiot and/or was stupidly nervous about fitting in with the group - but even so, that's highly unlikely. Nope, I think he was testing the water .. I think he was curious about what exactly you all got up to together on your bonding weekends.
I think Mike's comment was totally understandable - I don't think it was too strong - I think it was pure 110% heterosexual male response. My partner would have done the same, and/or avoided the new guy like the plague from then on. (not particularly defensible, but understandable somehow - i put it on the list of 'things i tolerate about him because there are other aspects of being strongly heterosexual that i really like' ...).
It all depends how much of a friend the new guy is to Jim. Personally I think his presence would spoil the dynamic of the group. I think the likes of Mike are never going to accept this guy now. I think Jim should keep the new guy as a separate friend, and you should all just keep your group as it is. The new guy will know he did something very wrong (not exactly fair, but you're a guy - you know the rules - that's why you all thought him odd - and once a group of guys think another guy is odd, that guy will never be on the inside, will he?).
poor new guy!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008): Sounds like a bunch of 12 year olds. You'd probably be doing this guy a favour by not "letting" him in your little boys club. How pathetic.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008): Read my profile for an insight. If Mike hadn't said it, I would have. I may have been slightly more diplomatic, but Mr new guy would have been in no doubt how I felt about his comment, and I would have thought to myself "Bloody poofter!". Mike and I would be on the same wavelength.
It's up to Jim who takes part I suppose - it's his place after all.
Maybe it was just the beer talking though. People say some pretty stupid things when they're pissed out of their heads. Maybe Mr new guy needs taking to one side and 'picturising' and being informed about Mike's views on poofters.
Can I join in? Sounds like fun.
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A
female
reader, rorowes +, writes (21 April 2008):
 I think you should give this guy a second chance. He was probably thinking that since you go skinny dipping, that this would be nothing. Maybe he is gay. I don't know, but if he is, Jim should give him the rules.
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