A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my guy for nine months. I love him, he loves me...But in the last few months we've had our own stresses; he's been really busy with school and I have been reestablishing my life from deciding to move closer. (I live an hour away as oppose to being states away) For now we've decided to drop labels and act as friends, even though we've both discussed it and feel like we want to pick things back up later, when we're able to manage a relationship and are more stable with our individual priorities. It's not unrealistic--in a year or so he'll be moving to my city for grad school.So now I'm trying to adjust my feelings for him so that I won't feel any grief about it, because there really isn't need to, but right now a relationship is not on the agenda. So in regards to this, my question is...where does that put physicality for us? I mean, if I go to visit him...would it be improper to kiss and cuddle and...you know, all the rest? (Excuse my modesty, I'm just not use to talking about my sex life publically.) I've been feeling a monster desire to be sexually active with him in this last month or two (though we've only been able to see each other twice in this time), but with the state we're in...Should I control myself until we are able to be an item? Will being sexual with one another depleat the importance and value that he's the only person I want to share that with, and vice versa? Does it matter? I feel like it should be something we do not engage in, much as I have the urge, but at the same time I don't see any reason outside of social expectations that we should not...not to mention I really enjoy it! (hah) Thanks everyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe've decided to go ahead and not be sexual while in a friendship. We feel like we respect one another too much to belittle what it means to be together. We wish to not complicate things any further or use one another for our own personal benefits. We think this is the best option. It will allow us to look forward to embarking on a relationship anew when the time comes, and be able to straighten out our individual conflicts with the proper space we need to do so. Thanks for your input, all!
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (9 April 2007):
 Hi sweetness,
Unless you two are seeing other people while on this "break", I don't think there's anything wrong with continuing to sleep with each other. What it SOUNDS like to me is that you two love each other and are just cooled down for a little while until you can be closer to each other and your lives have calmed down?
If you two are still commited to each other - even with out the girlfriend/boyfriend labels, I don't see anything wrong with getting some of the fringe benefits! If he is seeing other girls (sorry to put that thought in your head), please be safe about any sex you have. You don't want to catch anything icky!
And you modesty is adorable. It made me giggle. Hooray for you!!
Have fun, sweetness.
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (9 April 2007):
 I guess it depends on what you want in the future, and how you're acting between now and then. Are you dating other people while you're on hold? If the answer is yes, then I would put your physical relationship on hold too. If/when things pick up again when he moves to you for grad school, then you can be with him (if both of you are still single by then). For right now, having a physical relationship will add to the confusion, which will keep both of you from sorting your priorities (the reason for the "hold" in the first place, right?).Either decide to separate or decide to date from a distance. Don't do both.
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