A
male
age
,
*rustratedchris
writes:I have a met this woman on Match. She is divorced, same age as me. We have been talkling on the phone everyday, texting, emailing. I spent this past weekend at her house. We have been going out for a month. She told me that I am so different than her ex or other guys she has dated. She likes me. I told her I am hiding my profile which I did. I went online yesterday and today just for a bit and saw her online. Same thing last week before I told her I am hiding my profile. She was online every day and yet she texts me, wants to me. What is going on? Help!!
View related questions:
divorce, her ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 February 2013):
 some folks need that ego stroke... my ex husband did. he never gave up the flirting online and even would text these women and keep emotional things going with them.... that was enough for me as emotional cheating bugs me worse than physical cheating..
have you asked her where you two stand in a relationship?
if so what does she say?
if not... maybe it's time to ask...
A
male
reader, frustratedchris +, writes (7 February 2013):
frustratedchris is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMore development to my story. I spent last weekend with her since her kids were away. We talked about going out on Valentine's day and, she is going away end of this month (business related) and invited to go with her. And YET, she is online every single day. What should I do? Is she really playing with me? How can she make these plans and still surfing online? Need help!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2013): I spent another weekend with her. I told her I like her a lot. Im not seeing anyone else. And she seems to like me. But today she was online twice!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2013): Thank you "female reader, anonymous for your response. Your comments make a lord of sense. She invited me over last night and asked me to spend a night and today with her. And guess what? While I was in her house, I checked on my phone and saw her "online"!! I don't get it. How can she go on Match while I'm at her house. Why can't she be honest with me and tell me she doesn't want to see me rather than playing game? Im more confused.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): reading your post again. I am sorry about your wife. That's a lot to go through and yes I think people who are lonely can be easy prey by others. I think it may be too soon after your wife passed to be dating and you should work on yourself more. I suggest therapy to help deal with your loss and loneliness. When your lonely you tend to jump into relationships to feel not lonely and sometimes you overlook peoples faults just because you are so lonely and don't want to be alone. So work on yourself and don't jump into things. talk to a therapist go to a support group get a hobby being around people doesn't mean you have to date them. Spending time with friends and family can help you not to be lonely to. good luck take care
...............................
A
male
reader, frustratedchris +, writes (28 January 2013):
frustratedchris is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for a very good answer. But I have a friend who is on Match. Datedd this girl, liked her a lot, told her that he is hidding his profile. She was still online and finally after 6 weeks and several dates, everyday calling, texting, realized she was not "into him, felt no chemistry." that's what I am concerned that she is not into me as much as I am into her.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (28 January 2013):
You're basically asking the same question you did in the first place and the answer is still the same: take it easy. Don't worry about her being online because the two of you don't have an exclusive relationship! As I stated before, you shouldn't be putting all of your eggs in one basket either; keep your profile up. Who knows, maybe by hiding it you'll miss the chance to meet an amazing person while things with the current one go nowhere.
As to whether or not she feels sorry for you: it's certainly possible, but there's really no way for anyone to know with the info you gave. Even if she feels sorry for you she's probably not dating you just because of that. Heck, I feel sorry for you; losing your wife is a big deal.
Seriously, if you really like this girl, you need to relax and just go with the flow. Go out on dates, talk to her, DEVELOP a relationship, don't assume you have one just because you're dating. You'll scare her off in a heartbeat if you show her even 1/2 the anxiety you've shown us.
...............................
A
male
reader, frustratedchris +, writes (28 January 2013):
frustratedchris is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe is still corresponding to me by texting,calling. Yet every single day she is online. She wants to see me on Thursday night. My wife died a year ago. Do you think she feels sorry for me? she is a medical doctor. I am SO frustrated. Why would she talk to me, contact me 3-4 times today, and being online for 3 hours today, and even now. Yet, wants to see me on Thursday eve, what should I do. I am new to this dating business because I was married to my wife for 14 years before she died. My profile on Match is still hidden. Help!! I can't think straight or, figure this out on my own.
...............................
A
male
reader, frustratedchris +, writes (23 January 2013):
frustratedchris is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you "female reader, anonymous." Your response makes a lots of sense... I think part of being "too available" is not good, especially in the beginning. I have lost my wife about a year ago, so maybe these sense of loneliness is obvious?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2013): Dear frustratedchris, Well in that case if you plainly told her you took down your profile and she didn't take down hers or give any suggestion that she is or that you guys are " exclusive" you might have to accept that she may not want to date exclusively with you. Now you could do a couple things you could ask her if she wanted to be exclusive but I don't think her saying yes is going to stop her from talking to other men online or you could accept the situation and act like it doesn't bother you reopen your account play hard to get your self. Sometimes if you make yourself to available other people find that unattractive and take you for granted always thinking you will be there for them. Some people want a challenge. I don't like playing games anymore I'm tired of that dating game I just am myself and someone can except it or not. If I was in your situation I want to say I would walk away because I don't need that kind of drama in my life and I want someone who shows they are ready for a genuine commitment. But I am not emotionally involved as you are. So that makes it harder but it may be even harder down the road if she turns out not to be your dream women and you get more emotionally involved. Maybe if you take a look at you situation if you can like a 3rd person what if your best friend told you this story what advice would you give them ? sometimes it's best to remove yourself from the situation to find the answer. Good luck to you take time to think about what makes you happy.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (22 January 2013):
You're going to ruin any potential relationship with her if you can't learn to take it easy. I misread your original question; I thought you both agreed to take down your profiles, but I see she didn't agree to anything.
A few dates is a drop in the bucket. She's probably been down this road a few times before and knows how little a few dates really mean.
It has nothing to do with not liking you. But some people get attached quicker than others. You need to appear more confident or you're going to turn her off. Don't worry about her profile until you've both agreed to a committed relationship. I'd keep yours up and continue dating other people.
It's like when you apply for jobs, do you apply at one job, then wait for them to respond and hire you? No, you apply at any job that looks like it'd work for you. You may go for an interview or two, but until you get a commitment, you are not hired.
Just enjoy the time you have together, wine and dine her, give her a reason to suspend her profile, not a guilt trip.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2013): I have had this very same problem. I meet a guy online dating sites. I think they are great only to find out he is still using the dating site behind my back. I delete my account and they don't. Thou this doesn't seem fair you can't make her close the account all you can do is wait and see if she dose it herself , see how serious she is about your relationship. If you just started dating give her a while but if this continues I would tell her how it makes you feel. In my opinion a lot of people who use online dating or chat sites get addicted to them and find it hard to stop. Maybe this is her problem? Maybe she just likes the attention like the above poster suggested, either way you need to make the best decision for yourself . Make yourself happy.Good luck, be careful on online dating.
...............................
A
male
reader, frustratedchris +, writes (22 January 2013):
frustratedchris is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand, but since I told her last Sunday that I am hiding my profile on Match. Shouldn't this be a clear sign for her that I am taking this relationship seriously. And don't want to juggle. So she should have said something to me that would indicates she's not ready yet. Rather acts as 'tho she likes me. And tells me, "you are different than my ex-husband or guys I have dated." I am so confused.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 January 2013):
 Well, if she is STILL shopping around, yes, it's quite possible that , to put it like you say, she is hanging on till something better comes up.
Then again, since you have just dated a bit , casually, and haven't talked about becoming a couple, technically what she is doing is not improper or reprehensible...
...............................
A
male
reader, frustratedchris +, writes (22 January 2013):
frustratedchris is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am just concerned that she is not that much into me...
...............................
A
male
reader, frustratedchris +, writes (22 January 2013):
frustratedchris is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo CindyCares: Thanks for your response. But don't you think after talking everyday, spent an entire weekend together, and met few other times, she should know by now. Or is this a sign that she's not into me? Or hanging on till someone better comes up?
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (22 January 2013):
You met her on Match.com, she is shopping around. In fact , probably doing comparative shopping. Not that strange. In fact, that's what sites like Match are for, or at least how people use them.
You told her you were going to hide your profile, but did she tell you " me too " ? ..
If you want to date her exclusively tell her, and tell her that exclusivity means neither of you is visiting the site again. If she really likes you , she will be happy to agree- if she does not agree , then it's up to you ; either accepting that she needs some more time to make her mind up, or deciding you want someone who is more , and more promptly, into you, than this woman is.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (22 January 2013):
Have you met her in person? If so how long have you been dating in person?
If you haven't met or have only been on a few dates than don't expect anything from anyone at that point. I'd just drop it and open your account again until you've been dating for awhile.
If you've been dating for awhile than she's probably an "attention whore" and doesn't want to give up the attention she gets from other guys.
Either way she's likely hedging her bets in case something goes wrong with you guys.
I'd be straight up with her if it really bothers you. If you aren't putting your foot down now you'll be setting a precedent that says she can do whatever she wants.
But, being controlling is bad as well. It's just her interests vs yours. Tell her you aren't going to make her suspend her account, but you're not interested in being with her while it's activated.
...............................
|
