A
female
age
,
*urtingheart
writes:Dear Cupid,I need some advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months, he is separated for 20 months but the divorce is not final. They have a 3 year old together. We have been seeing each other about 2-3 days a week and have professed our love to each other so seriously. Just this past weekend he was acting not himself and for 4 days we hardly talked or texted. Finally we talked 2 days ago and he works 3rd shift, 2 kids live with him, one he gets visitation with 3 days a week and then there is me..I have been seeing him on 2 days a week. Ok he says that he is in a rut, he needs some him time that he has no time for himself and now wants to slow down to one day at a time with me. I am hurting because I love him so much and scared that this is just an easy way for him to break up with me. He says he loves me, he just needs some time. (we have a cruise planned for and paid for for Nove28 that he may not go on now)He aaid for me not to read too much into it. But how can I not. He is still married and how do I know she is not trying to come back to him. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
View related questions:
divorce, needs some space, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (9 October 2010):
Hi there. It's hard to say what's really happening. You say the divorce is not final yet, so it's going through.
Perhaps you should grant him his space, as he asked. He does sound like he needs to sort out what he wants.
Even though it's been 20 months since he's been separated, there's still going to be a lot happening when the divorce does go through. Custody battles, the sale of his house, so many things. Hassles galore! No doubt he is thinking about all this almost constantly. So he does have a lot to think about.
If you don't let him have his space, it will put a lot of tension on your relationship, maybe to the point of where you both part ways - permanently. Don't put any pressure on him as he is already burdened with what lies ahead regards his divorce and all it entails.
Have a talk about it soon, and perhaps suggest a mutual break from each other for a while, to just see how it all goes once the dust settles after the divorce is finalised.
He does have a lot ahead of him. So you can make it easier by giving him some space. Then decide if you are going to contact each other during that time or not. If you are, keep it strictly to a weekly or fortnightly phone call and nothing more - but no seeing each other whatsoever. He will appreciate this opportunity to sort his life out.
Once that break is over and his divorce is finalised, plus the settlement etc. has taken place, he will be in a much better place to resume his relationship with you once again. You will then need to take it slowly though, and don't try to rush him into another marriage too soon. He will no doubt be very wary - and quite understandably.
I hope this is helpful to you. Take care and best wishes.
|
