A
male
age
30-35,
*leh
writes:Dear Cupid,I'm back with another dose of my disastrous love life and am (as always) looking for a bit of advice!So not long ago I wrote http://www.dearcupid.org/question/if-she-doesnt-like-me-in-that-way.html and I still have the same problem with the same girl. It's up in the air whether she likes me or not, and though I've tried moving and had a date with a different girl last weekend, I've realised that I'm still not over her.It's her 18th birthday this Saturday and she has a large guest list, which I'm part of (that doesn't mean anything). She's been obsessing about her 18th birthday for the past year and cannot wait until she's 18. Now here's my problem: do I go or not?Part of me really wants to go as firstly, I'd get to see her and it'd be a good night. I think it would also probably mean quite a lot to her if I was there, though that might just be wishful thinking on my part. On the other hand, the last thing I want to do is ruin her birthday. I'd almost definitely take a shot with her which would be fine if it turned out she still likes me but that's the kicker - if it does it could make her birthday great and if she doesn't, I know I'd make a scene and that's definitely not what I want to happen.I guess I care more about her happiness than my own, which is why I'm taken with the idea of not going. No matter what we've said to each other in the past, she doesn't deserve me to bring it all up on her birthday which I don't think I'd be able to help myself from doing. If it meant anything to her, I'd drop everything and go in a heartbeat but I'm not sure it does and everything would either go really well or really badly - I don't want to risk it but at the same time I think I'd regret not going...Thanks a lot for reading, and I hope it makes more sense to you than it does to me! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 November 2011):
 I'm kind of torn whether you should go or not.
On one hand I think you should go, have fun, support your friend.
On the other hand, I think you shouldn't, because you have doubts whether you can control yourself or not.
IT IS her birthday party, NOT the right time or place to figure out if she "like like" you or just "like you as a friend".
So if you can't get it through your heard that this is HER celebration and it's NOT about you, then stay away.
A
male
reader, Pleh +, writes (17 November 2011):
Pleh is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThing is, she invited me before we spent the night together. It's weird, we're absolutely fine outside of college but inside college there's just.... awkwardness all around. I don't think it would be awkward there.Thing is, as I said I've tried to move on but I currently just can't. And if I saw her getting off with anyone, even though it's her choice, I'd really struggle not to do something I'd no doubt regret i.e. get into a fight (I'm quite a big guy). We said we wouldn't play games with each other anymore... but that lasted all of one night and we were up to our usual tricks straight away.I'm tempted to agree with Jmtmj about gauging her interest in me by not going. The last time she said how much she liked me was when I'd just gone on a few dates with a girl who she thought I really liked. As bad as it sounds, if I don't go I think it might make her realise that she does actually like me... or not.Either way, as much as I'd love to go, I think going would cause more problems than it would solve. Thanks a lot for the advice guys, it helps keep a balanced argument in my mind. I really appreciate it! :)
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (17 November 2011):
 In my opinion... don't go.
If you're not convinced that you'll be able to control what you do or say and let the flood gates go... just don't go... for no other reason than to eliminate the chance of you tarnishing her 18th. I'm not saying that going to her birthday and making a move doesn't have any chance of success... I'm merely pointing out that there are certain times for certain things...
You don't want to be known as the guy who ruined an 18th birthday party... not to mention you're more likely to be able to gauge her interest in you- simply by not going... especially if she expects you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011): Hello! Firstly, i honestly think it's really nice of you to actually be considering how things are going the affect her. But i think personally, that you should go. If she does like you then obviously this is the perfect opportunity for you to talk and have a nice time together, if she doesn't this shows that you're willing to be friends with her, and i think if it was my party and i was in her situation then i would want you to come, otherwise i wouldn't have invited you. However, if you think that it would be awkward in any way for you or her, which i doubt, then i wouldn't go. If you, i think that you just need to be aware that as hard as it sounds, that she may not have the same feelings. i've always been bought up believing that everything happens for a reason, and i think that if she doesn't like you it's because someone else out there is waiting for you and you're going to love them, and they may just be at this party, you never know! What ever happens, best of luck and i hope it all goes well :)
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