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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Im 16 and my boyfriend is 19. we have been together 5 months now but have known eachother for over a year. we have a perfect relationship. sometimes. when we are not fighting and screaming and wanting to strangle eachother. we fight over disrespectful things he does and says. like going to hang out with other girls who tell him im no good for him and are giving me a bad reputation with all our mutual friends. i cry over him almost every night because he acts like he doesnt care but then acts like nothing happened in the morning. and wait, it gets better. i have just found out that i am pregnant with his child. we bring out the absolute worst in eachother. we fight alllllll the time. he doesnt hit or punch me, but he will take me by the shoulders and shake me back and forth or get up close to my face and scream at me or pull my hair. i have no self esteem anymore. i look in the mirror and see someone who looks broken and tired. everytime we break up i just cant take it. i break down even more and end up taking him back the minute he asks. he tells me he loves me, especially after we fight he says things like "angel, im sorry, just dont be on my back about everything and we wont have to fight". so i try to be cool about things he says and does but he always thinks im overreacting or being "crazy". all my friends are telling me they hate him and to get out but i feel worthless without him. i feel like i cant stand as my own person and need him to be there for me.before i got with him i was a cheerleader, a/b student, singer, writer, and excellent friend. i have since lost my cheery-ness and am very close to getting dismissed as captain of the squad, my grades are all d's a couple c's, i have kept up singing and my band members are the only people that are keeping me on my feel, plus writing my music and singing it gives me an outlet. yet all my songs have been only about my life with my boyfriend or the hurt that i am going through. it follows me everywhere. i dont talk to my former friends much, i am scared they will shun me for staying with him and becoming pregnant. i feel that this pregnancy will be all out of violence and anger and not love. i feel trapped now because he is my only source of support. i cant leave him now.what can i do to make him realize how serious this is? please help, i cant take the fighting with him anymore, but i need him to be in my life now.
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self esteem, trapped, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): Drop him. He is immature and abusive. Do you want to expose your child to his abuse too? You need to be taking good care of yourself in your condition, and this guy's behavior is simply unacceptable.
A
female
reader, Rosygirls92  +, writes (15 October 2009):
I can't stress enough TELL SOMEBODY!!!!
You are not the only pregnant teenager who tries to hide her pregnancy for reasons of insecurity.
Trust me, after your parents have gotten over the shock, ultimately, they ARE your parents and care for you. Since i'm only reading this tiny bit i might not know the whole story but I'm sure that he's not for you and to continue with the pregnant is a bad idea.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, Moviefan  +, writes (15 October 2009):
 ill make mine shory, my first love and gf left me for her ex who did and still does what your boyfriend is. Listen to me unlike her, leave him now it doesnt get better. she got pregnant too...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): Do you remember who you were before you met him? In your life back then, did people shake you back and forth, scream at you, or pull your hair? Or did you spend time with friends who made you feel good about yourself?
He’s giving you something that you feel you need. Just what is that? What do you feel that you’ve gained, compared to a year ago? You say you have to have him there for you – just what is him being “there for you” getting you? Your post talks about how you were before him – ‘A’ student, good friend, happy person. Yet your bottom line question is “I need him to be in my life.”
Why do you need him to be in your life? Read your question. What has he done to make you better, happier? OK, so you’re pregnant. There are countless women who have acknowledged that the person who got them pregnant isn’t good for them. I don’t think that his being around is going to make your pregnancy a happy thing.
Please talk to your parents. Tell your mother or father, which ever one is closer to you, what you wrote to this site. You have a way forward, with people who genuinely care for your. Your boyfriend is not among them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): this is just a sad post to me. Sweetie, read what you have written here and think about what you have written. He screams at you, pulls your hair, disrespects you, runs around with other girls, and has destroyed the happy person you once were. Has gotten you pregnant...and you call this perfect except... This is beyond my comphrehension. Go. Leave. Rescue yourself and your child. Ask someone to help you with an intervention. You are being abused. Good luck and god bless
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A
female
reader, Bliz  +, writes (15 October 2009):
You sound like you are a wonderfully intelligent, artistic, and talented person, and I am so sorry that you are in such a tough situation right now. You deserve so much better in your life, and luckily, you can have better than this!
Right now you need to talk with your family, your friends (they sound like they care a lot about you, and would be more than willing to help), your cheerleading coach, and your teachers. Do not talk with him. Please do all you can not to have any contact with him, he is not good for you.
You need to see a doctor (if you haven’t already). Make sure you are healthy. Talk about your options regarding this pregnancy, and figure out what is best for you. I’m sure that you know this already, but you absolutely cannot stay with him, pregnant or no.
As for song writing, keep it up, even if you think that all your songs are sad. You are right to know that it is a good outlet for you, and song writing can be very healing.
As for making him see how serious this is, I hate to say this, but he will not get it. Pulling your hair and screaming in your face are horrible things for him to do you. This is abusive, even if he hasn’t hit you yet. He has no right, and no reason to be doing this to you. Ever.
Anyone who blames you for his horrible actions is incapable of understanding or caring that this is unfair to you.
You need to get away from him, and even though you are worried about people judging you, there are more people who are willing to help you. Even the most judgemental person will see that you made a better choice by leaving.
You have started the first step by reaching out here. Please, please post if you need more support! All the best with this, I know you can get out.
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A
female
reader, A_Faylene_Mandie_Marie +, writes (15 October 2009):
 he won't care, he does not care at all!!! It's abuse and get out now before things get worse, take it from someone who was in an abusive relationship for 3 years, this is only the beginning and things WILL get worse, especially if he's ok with the things he does to you now that are humiliating and abusive. You are very young, and beautiful. It will get worse as your pregnancy progresses. Go to an outreach program you can't stay with him. Way too young to let a guy take away your self esteem and make you feel like you are nothing!!! Get away from him before things get worse. You have to consider the possibility that he will become abusive toward the baby when he/she is born. If you need to talk or need advice email me.
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