A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My Fiance and I will be together 8 years in May, we have a beautiful daughter who will be 4 in March, we have a house together that we bought 4 years ago. My Fiance recently found an old girlfriend on Facebook and he has be chatting with her for weeks. He never told me when he first starting chatting with her that she was an ex- girlfriend. I confronted him about his chatting which he does 5 nights a week. He said I knew her longer then you and we are just catching up on things. He also went to meet her 2 times and did not tell me he did. I found out but he does not know I know he met her for breakfast and for drinks he flat out lied to me. How can I trust him. I don't want to lose him I do love him and I hope he still loves me. He says he does or is he just saying this because that is what I want to hear. It is not like we are kids we are both in our 40's. I am so confused. This is not the man I fell in love with almost 8 years ago. He has changed. I don't know what to do. Like I said we have a beautiful daughter and a nice house, why would he want to put that in jeopardy. I am a nice girl his Dad loves me and thinks the world of me. Why would my Fiancee do this to me and hurt me like this. It could just be an innocent "fling" with his ex who is 10 years younger then him. It is still wrong tho. I told him every relationship there has to be trust and no secrets no matter if you are with that person for 1 month, 1 year, or 50 years. I think he knows I know he is seen her but just has not told me. What should I do? Help me please.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): Thanks to everyone who responded so far. I don't want to jeopardize my relationship with him by changing the locks or getting a private investigator. I have not contacted his ex either. He already told me that her and I will never meet. Why he does not want me to meet her I don't know. I want him to come back to where we were before he found her on Facebook. I really hate facebook and I wish he never found her. The chatting I got use to since he was chatting in front of me with her. But when he met her for breakfast then for drinks and not telling me that is what hurt. Being lied to is one thing but knowing that you are not worth the truth that is what hurts.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): He is in the fog or fantasy stage and he is not thinking clearly nor of the consequences of his actions.
My husband built a new house and put it and his 2 children in jeopardy by joining datings sites and cheating on me with other women. He just didnt think through his actions nor did he think he would ever get caught. He justified his actions by thinking what I didnt know about didnt hurt me.
I think you need to take a very strong stance against what he is doing before it ends up getting ugly. He needs to be bought back to reality and realise that you and your daughter and life together is what is important, not someone from the past. She is probably feeding his ego and making him feel good about himself and he is riding on a high and cannot see the damage he is doing. He has blinkers on. Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, JDinCali +, writes (25 February 2011):
 Wow, I know how you feel...
Some men put wonderful things in jeopardy, because they're so caught up in their moment of selfishness, they're not looking further down the road.
If he's met her for breakfast, drinks and not telling you; he's dating her. ...and probably rationalizing his way through it because he's not technically married.
Have you tried contacting her?
If talking to him gets you no where...get a private investigator who will give you the truth you need to take the next step. Prepare yourself for the worst, especially financially.
If he's spied as a guilty cheater ...hang the private-eye pics in an envelope taped to the front door, with a "Get a lawyer" written on the paper and change the locks.
What he's doing is demeaning to your family. Shame on him.
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