A
female
age
41-50,
*tarryskies
writes:My ex broke up with me two years ago after a 3 month relationship. We meet online (on an interest site not dating) so before we meet in person we'd spoken a lot through chat and on the phone and knew each other quite well. Because of this our relationship was intense and serious quickly. I let him do the 'chasing' as I wanted to be sure he really liked me and he initiated us becoming and 'official' couple and told me he loved me first. He'd call/text everyday, was sensitive, we got on really well. He split with me due to some personal problems (that I didn't think needed to end the relationship, I think commitment issues also came into in as he'd had lots of short-term relationships). Anyway I was devastated. I think it was worse as it was my only relationship. Apart from him I'd gone a bit further than kissing with one guy and few kisses with others but at 25 I could count the number of men I'd kissed on my fingers which I know is unusual. I find it hard to meet men. I have plenty of friends but they're all women and through work and adult education I've meet a few men but none I like or who like me. I'm embarrassed I haven't even kissed a man since my breakup and it's not through not wanting to. I'm worried I won't meet anyone else, or at least not for ages. Although it isn't as painful now it hurts more than I think it should. I feel the loss of what I had and worry if I can't find a replacement I'll be stuck with the void. I don't know anyone who's been through a breakup and then a romantic dessert for as long as me-it must be easier to get over the pain if you meet someone else, but it I don't how can I overcome it?
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female
reader, Starryskies +, writes (24 February 2011):
Starryskies is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply but I don't think you have got the main issue. Yes I have low confidence, this is due to being bullied at school, being unable to find a job after university and developing clinical depression which I've fought for 5 years. Despite my issues I've always been open to a relationship and made the effort to go to social things even though it's hard when I'm shy and can't drink to mask it. I might be insecure but I work on it and don't let people tread all over me. I actually demand a lot from those I'm close to. I don't think many men find me attractive as I've had a lot less romantic success than my friends but on the other hand quite a few strangers have stopped me to tell me I'm beautiful. So I don't think I'm ugly and I know I'm a good person who deserves a decent relationship. My problem is I've tried widening my social circle and still haven't meet anyone and I don't know what else to do.
A
female
reader, blackbird332  +, writes (24 February 2011):
you have really low self confidence and if you have no confidence in yourself: why should other men? you sound like your literally trying to hide from dating because you think you cant do any better/be with anyone else.
start opening up to people and put yourself out there more.
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