A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 28, my partner is 17 years older than me. We've been living together for 7 years now, relationship was always up and down, but generally alright. I have never cheated on him and don't have anybody in mind now)Now we have a 2 y.o daughter and I am 4 months pregnant! I feel we have nothing in common any more (apart from baby), it is hard to communicate with him, and sex doesn't exist any more! Also his daughter from the previous relationship is living with us and because of her behavior we have loads of arguments...I feel there is nothing left and the love from his side has gone. Thinking of leaving him, but afraid of moving out, raising kids on my own, plus I still have feelings for him! But I can't go through all the arguments and 'coldness', think with time it will go down hill anyway.Should I stay and accept NOT to be happy but stay for the kids or go and try a new life? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, dorothy2342  +, writes (17 February 2010):
 If he feels you should leave if you are not happy then call him on it. It might take loosing what he has before he will do what is necessary to make you happy. It might be easier for him to keep the relationship the way it is, change is difficult, especially if it is us that need to change. I would not settle for less than love and careing, is that what you want to do? I don't think it is. You are too young to settle for an unfulfilled loveless relationship and you don't have to. He probably doesn't believe you would leave. Do it, you said you were willing to fight for your relationship, then fight, leave him and force him to change to get you back.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010): Thank you for your replies!
Counseling is a good idea, but unfortunately he would never agree for that. He says if I am not happy, let's call it a day. But I do want to fight for our relationship!!! Just need two willing people. And I tried to talk, explain my feelings - sometimes he would listen and things would be good for a short while, but later back to 'normal'.
And no, we are not married..
Thanks again!
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A
female
reader, dorothy2342 +, writes (15 February 2010):
Neither. Relationships are hard and children don't make them any easier, but you do have an obligation to your children. You called him your partner, does that mean you are not married? If you aren't, you have no obligation to him. Children need both parents, but not an unhappy home. My advice is to discuss the alternatives with him, tell him there will have to be changes for you to stay in the relationship. Have ya'll tried counciling or is that not a possibility? It would be of benefit if you could insist upon his daughter going to counciling with you both. Lay down some ground rules, set boundries and expectations and if he is not willing to work with you on the relationship tell him you will leave him and sue him for child support. It will definately be hard trying to make it on your own with two children and harder without the help of family and friends. I wish you the best for yourself, your relationship and for that of your children. God bless you all.
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A
male
reader, HarryFlashman +, writes (15 February 2010):
Have you considered couples counseling? That is often a useful step. It may cement your feeling that you want to leave, or give you hope that you can work it out.
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