A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Just after some advice on a confusing situation! I'll try to keep it quick. I walked away from an affair i had with a girl who was in a relationship. It was very intense emotonally and physically but was a dirty secret. We both are good people but have damaged each other along the way because what we did was wrong but couldent leave it.Now a year later we are back in touch and she is single. It has not been easy and we have argued/been nice/had stand offs over the phone because we hurt each other. Its like we hate each other but also love each other. Thing is she is in a mess as the relationship lasted five years with her other half and she is very down. She is doubting her whole life/job/work etc and us getting back in touch has probably confused her more. We met up a couple of weeks ago to go out for food/drinks which she was very hesitant about. Anyhow we were in bed withing 20 mins and got on so well. Within 24 hours we were at each others throats on the phone her mainly at me but i completely stood up for myself which is something i never did in the affair and she doesnt like this. Then she goes sick off work all week and is really depressed. Now i do love the girl and know she is going through a rough time. I sent her flowers just to say i understand and she was so grateful. I am currently giving her some space but dont want her sat in dwelling on things. She is reluctant too see me as she is so down/confused and she hates herself. Think she is really confused after what happened. Should i back off now and give her some space? Just not sure how to play this one? Guess we have not fully moved on but what next?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (29 April 2008):
 It seems she can't see clearly what she wants to do with her life. I think you should write her a letter and tell her she can count on you, but you will be giving her space. And use that time to think why you argue with her so much. It takes two to have an argument, so you're guilty for that, too. Think about it and be ready if she should come your way.
If it takes too long, move on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): I'm not an expert at this stuff, but if she's still in the relationship then keep clear of the conversation. If she's finished with her partner ask her how she feels about you.
Good Luck x
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