A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:After 20 yrs of marriage my husband asks for threesome, after two yrs we finally tell my friend that she is our threesome girl, my husband was madly in love with me, then I hear that she is coming over to visit during the day to smoke, then I notice them teasing and she is looking him in the eyes and very communitive and my husband is asking me how I would feel if it works out could we have her as a friend with benefits, I told him what about one great threesome that's all I want that's what you said, then I see a difference in him towards me. They are hanging around each and he is telling her our secrets and talking to her about our relationship like we didn't need a counselor before, stuff like don't talk to her like that, and looking at her for guidance on how to keep me happy, despite all this we went through with threesome. I started it off because they had not had any physical contact and I felt weird because he hardly had any contact with me, he never penetrated me during the threesome except fingering, he penetrated her the whole time, I had 3 request, no kissing, not in our bed, and he promised he loved me and wouldn't fall in love, in the middle she asked if we could go back to our house to finish in spare bedroom, I said ok, the whole time she is talking about how our king size bed would be awrsome, my husband told her with sad face said wants to keep our bedroom sacred for us as a couple, she asks again later and I said lets go then and they got all upset saying I always spoiled stuff, the threesome stopped because then she was sticking her finger in me while I was pleasuring my husband and she made me stop completely because she gammed her fingers so hard I almost cried. I was done by this time told my husband I was going to bed, he came with me but told her in a sad voice im sorry, he fell straight to sleep, needless to say the next day things were very different between us all, my husband got up took shower and went to his mancave, ifound her in there too laughing and they got all quiet when I entered the room. Our marriage is bad now and we are no longer friends with her, he blames me for everything and has animosity towards me for so called making her leave. Help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2018): Your husband is one of the biggest assholes on earth for doing this to you, his WIFE! And that slut you call a friend, she is NO friend to you. And no friend to your (SOON TO BE)ex husband. Sluts like her will just move on to another willing guy, and believe you me, there are plenty of those, especially in the married man world. Use them and lose them.
I cannot believe he actually asked you to do this? You should have said NO. NEVER. If my husband asked this, I would be out the door. It would kill me that he no longer loved me. It would kill me he wanted to fuck someone else. I could not look at him the same way after such a request. The love would die right then and there. And for my own self preservation, I would need to get out.
Perhaps you love him that much and thought that maybe your granting his wishes would make him love you more, would make him stay with you, would make your marriage better. You agreed in an act of desperation. I am sorry he made you sink that low that you felt you had to give in. He knew what he was doing sweetie. He knew your marriage was in trouble. He knew you loved him. That much. And he used that against you, to manipulate you into cheating on you with this woman. Men use women's emotions against them. Loving a man is always our most effective method of self harm.
He was mean, cruel, thoughtless, selfish, and I can go on. To actually disrespect you, his wife and not give a damn about destroying you just for a quick fuck, is beyond unforgiveable. He is an animal. Sub human in my opinion. He's got no conscience or empathy. Why would you want to remain with this type of a monster?
It was mean to have sex with her in front of you. It was mean to penetrate her and not you. It was mean of her to shove her fingers inside you and hurt you. Treat you like a piece of trash. Both of them did. You were in their way. She did not like you pleasuring YOUR OWN HUSBAND! So she was vicious. Trying to claim a territory that is not hers. Never will be. Because pigs like him will cheat on anyone they are with. And she will go from man to man spreading her legs. I would seriously get checked for diseases.
It was not only cruel to fuck her in front of you but to do so in your own bed? That is beyond words. Then for him to have private cuddles and giggles with her in his man cave while you were asleep? That is beyond disrespectful and cruel. It was inhumane on both of their parts.
It has been awhile since I have read anything that has infuriated me this much. It is pathetic!!
I am not sure how you could have stood by and watched this bad nightmare unfold in front of your very eyes? I could not stand by and watch this.
Sweetheart, your husband gave up on you a long time ago. It came to this, where he was past the point of no return, when he asked for a threesome. In his mind, it was over right then and there. And it should be over for you too. He will carry on having sex with this slut behind your back. I can assure you of that. There is no way it's a one timer. I suspect there are some feelings involved between them. You can rest assured though that they will grow tired of fucking each other soon. That is all it is at the end of the day.
Do you want to stay with a man who humiliated you that way? Who stomped on your heart right in front of you? He blames you for this? BULL FUCKING SHIT! He is to blame! He had this in mind for a long time. He wanted to fuck your friend for a long time. He is the one who introduced this whole threesome thing. He manipulated you. He orchestrated the whole thing. He was the master mind. ALL HIS FAULT!!! And now he is gas lighting you and making himself the victim!! WTF? Is he insane? He is seriously detached from reality. I think he needs a shrink. He's either a sociopath or a narcissist or he has some serious disconnection issues. Because he isn't human. He does have a psychological condition that needs to be dealt with before he destroys countless other women!!
Your love is not enough. You are not enough. You cannot fix broken. Sweetie, if it helps, no woman is ever going to be enough for this kind of a broken, weak and pathetic man.
Please, do what you need to do, and that is LEAVE THIS MAN. You will hurt for a while, I know. But it is better than staying with him and enduring a whole future of his stomping on your heart, over and over again.
I am sorry you went through this. You are the one who is TOO GOOD FOR HIM!!!!
Please take this as a valuable lesson learned. We all make mistakes. Do not beat yourself up. He used your love against you. He was the monster.
Hugs.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2018): I don't quite agree that your marriage is over. Look how many famous couples were caught in a similar situation and eventually decided to reconcile and stay married. It all depends on him to accept to break this affair and remain faithful from now on and you to fogive and decide to give your marriage another chance. There are other important factors other than fidility in a marriage like the interest of the kids, financial issues,health etc. wish you good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2018): People are saying that you should never have agreed to this threesome. Whilst I agree that this was a bad idea, I personally would not want to stay with a man who clearly has the hots for someone else. So whether or not you agreed to this threesome is a mute point as far as I'm concerned, because the marriage would be over for me as soon as I realised that my husband was trying to figure out a way of having sex with my friend, while incurring the least possible amount of repercussions for himself. He did not pay you equal attention throughout the sex session, he was only really interested in banging your friend. I cannot imagine how much all of this has hurt you, never mind all the giggling and discussion of private and personal issues within your marriage with this woman, who was also horrible to you during sex by the sound of things. A man who behaves this way towards his wife is really not to be tolerated. How much happier you will be when you get over him and find a lovely, happy satisfying life for yourself that does not contain gut wrenching hurt at every turn. Think what it would be like to enjoy your life again, to feel good about yourself again, to pursue pastimes that you enjoy, to meet new people and to smile again without this bozo hurting you beyond all imagination with his nasty, selfish, self fulfilling ways? Life is too short to be with someone who is all over someone else right in front of you.Good luck
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (24 November 2018):
 Start getting your ducks in a row, and by this I mean get your finances in order, close any joint accounts, make sure any household expenses are not in your name only and seek legal advise. I does not sound good for your marriage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2018): Some brains are wired entirely for monogamy, and some are not. Once you decide to go out of your way sexually to please your mate; weigh it carefully in your mind to decide how much pleasure you will derive from it, and consider what consequences a few minutes of pleasure will bring against your marriage.
Swinging-singles just go their separate-ways; but it's quite complicated for those who are married. Especially, when one partner has to talk the other into it. If you feel reservations; you go with your gut. It's water under the bridge now, so now what do we do?
Let's call a spade a spade. Your husband didn't just out of the clear-blue want a threesome; he wanted your permission to have sex with your friend. He wanted a fresh new unfamiliar vagina. He had his eyes set on her long before asking.
For now, you first have to come to terms with your feelings about all this.
Don't fully blame it on your husband! You could have said no. You could have questioned him as to why it was so important to him to bring someone else into your sex-life? You didn't.
You also went-in almost daring him to do it. Did you want to see if he would go through with it?
Of course he would! He had your permission! So he can stick you with half the blame, it ever happened. Clever! Sly as a fox!
This is by no means a mockery of your feelings. I know this is serious. You're at your wit's-end, and broken-hearted. Disappointed in him, and in yourself, for not knowing any better. You did know better. You took vows, and when you break them; you suffer the results of your choices. The simplest of lessons to be learned here.
It wasn't going to make you as thrilled or excited about it as it would the other two; because you didn't really want to. On top of that, you set silly rules that you knew no one would pay any attention to! I suspect she has been on your nice big bed, long before all of this. She needed more room to distance you from the action. She had her own selfish intentions.
Now you're in it up to your neck. I suggest you get marriage counseling to deal with the inner-conflicts. You need to be professionally-coached how to speak directly to your husband. You need to openly express your feelings; while you gain the courage to make a decision. Whether he's still a keeper; or if you should divorce his sneaky manipulative ass.
You can't read his mind. You can only go by his deeds. If it was just for fun, he wouldn't cop an attitude towards you. He would be more concerned about keeping you happy than satisfying his greedy dick!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 November 2018):
 You made a bad judgement call in having a 3-some. My guess is that your sex life (pre 3-some) was bit stale and you wanted to spice it up.
You say your husband was madly in love with you... but I have to question that a tad. Why? Because you also write that he ASKED to have her as his FWB (that wasn't for YOU that was FOR him).
You say he was sharing details about your marriage that was NONE of her business, that again wasn't for YOUR benefit but for HIS. To make her feel "bad" for him and to feel special for him singling her out.
When it came down to the actual 3-some he stuck to NONE of the pre-agreed upon rules. Again, because all he cared about was getting to have SEX with another woman.
And after the sex? He PUNISHED you for "ruining" his fantasy.
He ignored YOU and spend time with HER.
ALL of these examples "plucked" from your post doesn't SHOW a man who DEARLY loves his wife, but a selfish prick you wanted his wife's permission to CHEAT right in front of her. And he wanted to SCREW your friend. BAD.
So what can you do?
Well, what is done is done. You can't put THAT cat back in the sack.
All you CAN do is learn from this and there are a couple of lessons.
1. ADDING more people to a marriage bed/relationship for sex is RARELY as great as the fantasy of it. And it RARELY ever works out for people.
2. This was not a good idea and shouldn't be repeated. Ever.
3. Your husband wanted this but made YOU feel like shit about agreeing to it. It's manipulative and mean.
4. The SOONER you two (you and your husband) sit down and have a talk about this and figure out HOW do we move forward, the better.
He KNOWS this wasn't a pleasant experience for you yet he STILL blame you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2018): I believe your marriage is over. His behaviour was beyond unacceptable, including blaming you throughout, manipulating you into doing this in the first place, and talking about you with giggling behind your back to your friend. He forgot the sacred meaning of marriage. Talking about your marriage problems to her only compounds it.With that being said, you allowed him to manipulate you and you allowed him to set this situation up. As an adult you should have been wiser that this would not end well. In what world did you think that everything would seem fair and equal in a threesome with your friend? You are the old hat that he's had many times. She is new and exciting. He never wanted a threesome exactly- he wanted to cheat with your permission so he could alleviate himself of guilt. Hence all the attention paid to your friend in bed. And you went along with this ridiculous plan.I think you need to start divorce proceedings but you also need to take a lesson out of this to uphold self respect more in future relationships. Never condone what will put you as lesser than others.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (24 November 2018):
 Unfortunately, you would have been better off coming here for advice before agreeing to the threesome, so we could have told you this would happen. We tell everyone this will most likely happen.... because it almost always does. This problem is your fault AND your husband's, but he knew what he was doing, so these are the mistakes you made:First mistake (other than having the threesome) is picking a friend. You have sex with a friend and that friendship is tainted permanently. Not only that, but you already have a connection on a friendship level and you add a sexual one.... What do you expect it then becomes? Not a friendship any more; you've added sexual connection to friendship connection and it generally forms a relationship for one of two people (FwB) or two of three people (threesome).Second mistake, you went through with the threesome when you had doubts.Third mistake, you didn't have call it off mid-way through when you realised he was paying more attention to the new person than you, someone he's been having sex with for 20 years.Fourth mistake, you genuinely thought someone could promise not to fall in love with someone else. I don't think he's in love with her, but I do think they're infatuated because they're new to each other and you're "old news". Nobody can promise not to feel something - they're feelings; they happen on their own.Fifth mistake, you didn't stick to your boundaries. You let them stop the threesome and took it into the spare room, then again allowed them to break your "not in our bed" boundary.Sixth mistake, you shouldn't have allowed her to stay the night. Of course it's not going to be the same in the morning. If your threesome started earlier, then it could have just been a (bad) threesome, not "ooh, lets have a good connection in my man-cave without the wife".Seventh mistake, you're letting your husband blame you. You are BOTH to blame for it going wrong. Go to therapy on your own. Find out where you're going with this because I think it may have ended your marriage. I'm sorry, but I don't think you can trust him not to contact the friend now that he's had a sample of what it's like to sleep with other women.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (24 November 2018):
 Your story should serve as a warning to anyone else who is considering involving a third party in what should be a two-party relationship. We hear of this sort of outcome time and time again, yet people still think THEY can handle it, that THEY will not get hurt. WRONG! Yes, occasionally this does work out, but it is the exception rather than the rule.
What's done is done and you can't go back. I would question whether your husband has really cut your friend out of his life. I would not be at all surprised if they are still seeing each other and still having sex.
You and your husband need to sit down and, calmly and honestly, discuss how you feel and decide on how to move forward from this. If you do manage to survive it, never ever involve someone else in your relationship again. There is plenty of information available on spicing up your sex life without involving someone else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2018): What you have done is effectively end your marriage. A marriage is between two people. You allowed your husband to cheat on you before your very eyes. You cheated on him too. By your actions, you have broken the foundation that is paramount in a marriage. That is trust. You will never trust him again. You will harbour resentment. You will never feel safe in his arms. You can't love your spouse and do what you both did.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2018): Do you have any kids? is your friend married? If so then where is her husband in all this? So in brief you are saying that you invited your friend to share your bed with you and your husband and things didn't go well and now they are more chummy and you are being left out. Well, let us face it now you can't undo what has happened. You and your husband have to sit and discuss this as mature adults w/o the presence of the other party and decide what to do now. Can you forget what happened and admit it was a big mistake or would he rather be with the other one than you?
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