A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend ruins every Christmas and I don't know what to do.We went last minute shopping today which was his idea. In a supermarket he said he needed the toilet so I decided to cash in a scratch card while I was waiting. The till is right by the side of the toilets.He didn't see me when he came out and I didn't notice him. I saw a text and he had gone back to the car showing off because he had been walking up and down some aisles.Well we've had a massive argument. All my children's presents are at his house and he won't let me get them. He's called me a selfish bitch and spiteful because i'd gone in the queue to cash the scratch card.I have no idea what I'm going to do tomorrow, all my family's presents are at his house too. Do I just grovel and apologise, was I selfish for not standing by the toilet? I'm so upset and stressed, what should I do. Christmas is going to be ruined without their things but I'm so upset to try and grovel. What would you do?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 December 2018):
 This man is not right in the head. He has mental problems. I've seen this exact behavior before, and it has always been rooted in mental Health problems like personality disorders or other serious conditions. So let me tell you I am 100% positive that this man is not balanced, and that there is something wrong with him. He's keeping childrens Christmas gift hostage, for cryin out loud.
What you should do is this: fake it and apologize to him, humiliate yourself and get the gifts. Soothe his ego. He wants to be told how amazing he is and how thankful you are for everything he's done for you (which I guess is 0%). Get the gifts. Then break it off and go no contact.
You said he ruins EVERY Christmas. Let me guess, he ruins every night you plan to meet with friends also? Let me guess, he hates your friends? Let me guess, he doesn't hesitate to let you know how stupid he thinks you are, or how poorly you conduct yourself?
This is abuse. He is abusive. And if he wont give back the gifts, then chalk it up to a lesson learned and get the kids New gift. Or honestly tell them that mommy made a mistake in trusing a man who wasn't good after all. Then dont every date such men again.
It could be a lot worse, so thank yourself Grateful you dont live with this man, and that the only thing you lost here is some Christmas gifts. Which might feel like a lot, but it ISN'T. It's just gift. You and your kids CAN and WILL be fine without them.
I will tell you a story about a friend of mine. Her mother married a man and moved to live with him. He was like your boyfriend, and one day after an argument, he had changed the Locks on the door so my friend (a child back then) and her mother couldn't enter the house. They were never allowed back inside, they lost EVERYTHING. They only had the clothes on their back. All photo albums of her childhood were gone. He never gave anything back. And so now, my friend has no pictures from when she was a child.
I will tell you another story about an ex of mine. His mother married a man and they moved in with him. My ex and his sister were still children, living with them. Then one night, after an argument, the man shot his mother in the head and killed her, with the kids as witnesses.
Get away from this man now.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 December 2018):
 Glad he didn't ruin Christmas for the kids, and honestly? Maybe it's better it's over... Seems like you dodged a bullet there.
Merry Christmas.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2018): Hi thanks for the responses. I had a crap day worrying about whether he would let me get it all but he eventually dropped it off.
We're not seeing each other anymore, he just blew up over nothing and I kinda think he caused an argument so he could spend Xmas somewhere else.
To the anon female I really don't understand where you got any of that from, I won £1. Bit of an odd response
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2018): Next year get a lock on your bedroom door and hide the presents there.As for now..I would explain to your local police and see if they can help you with getting the presents back or helping you by directing a charity so something is at least under the tree.After all this is done dump the childish selfish little boy you have there.He does not care about ruining a child's Christmas so something is way off about him.He is immature vindictive childish.What kind of role model is he for your children? Do you want your children to grow up to be like him? You know there are real men out there who would in a million years never done what he has.He is showing you who he really is why can't you believe what is shown to you not once but twice.He is a loser with a capital L.Dump him...You and your children do deserve better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2018): Or for the children's sake and everyone's is it possible to make up. Reading between the lines. He THINKS you were sly and cashing in a winning ticket behind his back, when he went to the toilet. When he had to LOOK for YOU as you WATCHED him, you thought he was strutting his stuff up and down the isles, and caught him probably looking at a pretty girl...just stop been so petty both of you and get your acts together. Why should selfish adults spoil Christmas for the children and themselves. Make up before it's too late, and if needs be make boxing day special as well. Obviously he was expecting you all at his home for xmas?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (24 December 2018):
 Why are you with him? What’s the point? Take a friend to get the presents. If he refuses, call the police (non-emergency number). Then break up.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (24 December 2018):
 In your shoes I would bang and hammer on his door until he was sick of the sound of me and let me remove the presents (unless you are physically scared of him, of course).
Perhaps you could take along a relative or friend for support too?
If this is how your relationship runs, then the next thing you need to do is think seriously about whether there is any future in it, or whether you should move on and find yourself someone who adds value to our life rather than draining the energy out of it.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (24 December 2018):
 No. you call the police, or a big burly male relative or your mum and you go round there and you ask politely and calmly for your children's presents. if he refuses then you go home and tell your kids where their presents are and then you don't have anything to do with him, ever again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2018): Call the police, see if they can tell him to return them or grovel, get the gifts and dump his sorry ass, he ruins it and clearly doesn't make you happy
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