A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is going to be long and I apologize in advance. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 16 months. We see each other all the time, he loves my family and vice versa and we've talked about the future. About 2 weeks ago, we got in a very big fight; it was over me having an attitude and treating him badly. We took some time apart but ended up seeing each other everyday anyway. To my knowledge we were okay because we were still spending so much time together. I'm starting to think I was wrong, a few days ago a girlfriend of mine logged onto her online dating account and saw that my boyfriend had been logged onto his. ( I knew he had one but it has been inactive since we started dating until the other night) It does say on it that he isn't seeking any relationship or commitment but obviously this bothers me very much. I honestly don't think he's planning on breaking up with me because we still talk about the future. The problem is whenever I try to talk to him about something serious he gets annoyed. I really want to bring this up and ask point blank what's the situation but I have no idea how to bring it up or what to say so we can actually talk about it. Please, any help would be greatly appreciated! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (1 November 2011):
 There's no magic way of bringing this up - you just have to come out with it and say it. Just tell him that your friend had logged onto her account and seen his account on there and that you are worried because he is back on a dating site when you thought you were together.
See what he has to say and take it from there. At the end of the day he should not have a dating profile at all, when he got with you he should have deleted the account. So if I were you I would be very wary, chances are he has been on there a number of times whilst you have been together. You dont just keep a dating profile inactive for no reason, it means you either dont trust that your relationship will last so you have the back-up of the online dating ready and waiting, or you are chatting to multiple people regardless of being in a relationship or not. He should delete it - end of story.
You shouldnt be afraid to talk to your boyfriend, if he gets annoyed EVERY time you talk about something serious then this relationship really isnt working, you need to be able to communicate otherwise how are you going to get through life together? Life will throw lots of serious problems at you, and if he cant talk about it without getting annoyed well you have no hope at all for this to ever work.
So you also need to discuss that issue with him - explain that he cannot get annoyed every time you try and talk to him because you need to be grown ups and work through your problems together without acting like kids and getting annoyed.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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