A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I'm trying to figure out why I'm putting up with this. I've been in a relationship for over 3 yrs. and its been mostly about his needs, wants. He gambles, is controlling and spends basically whatever he has on himself or what he wants. We can't even afford to go to a movie because he's gambled his money then I have to pay with my money. The only time he tells me about it is when he's spend all his cheque. He's bankrupt ( no surprise) wants me to move in with him which I won't. The most recent event was our anniversary and he went and spent 2,000.00 on gambling and nothing yet again for me. Why am I tolerating this? I am so tired of it, and I fall for his crying when he screws up. I do love him and he is nice as well cooks me suppers, if I'm ill he looks after me, but of course I have to buy the food cause he doesn't have money. I buy his cigarettes and pay some of his bills. He tells me he loves me daily. I feel like I'm being used. Please help!
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (31 October 2011):
 Whatever you do, don't move in with this guy. The minute you do that, your finances will be tied with his and from what you describe, your life will be a living hell.
You are both adults from the sounds of it and I think you need to ask yourself, why are you dealing with this? This man is broke, gambles away any and all money that he has, and doesn't sound very responsible. Is this really the type of man you want to settle for? If indeed what you say is true, he is likely a compulsive gambler and probably needs help.
At this point, I'd encourage you to sit down and give him an ultimatum. You certainly aren't getting any younger and you want and desire a man who is going to be responsible, especially with finances. He needs to show that he can save money and either quit gambling (very likely the only course of action) or gamble responsibly (most problem gamblers can't and never will be able to).
For your information, many marriages / relationships go bust because of money mismanagement. By moving in or continuing this relationship, despite how well he treats you, will only result in a lot of anger and sadness in your future. I hope you realize that what is keeping you in this state is that you've come to expect this as normal and are afraid to find something better. While you love this man and want to help him, on some level, you are only enabling him to continue gambling because you keep fronting him money to throw away.
I think you already know the answer in your heart and what you need to do and hopefully by seeing it written out here, you'll take action.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (31 October 2011):
 Hi,By reading your post, I do believe he loves you, and he's not using you for money. Gambling for pleasure, once in a while is ok, but when it gets to the point when he gambles all his money, and he doesn't have money to eat, pay bills, it's very serious. You need to have a serious talk....1) Save the relationship. 2) he needs to admit, and seek help. I am afraid that if he continues this way, not only he will lose you, but he's going to destroy his life. Becoming homeless is true reality, and if he doesn't stop I am afraid that this could happen to him. He needs to seek help now, while he still have your support, and while he still young. Before it's too late. Gambling is a serious problem, it's a disease. Talk to him nicely, explain to him that you are not being controlling, he needs to stop for both of you, but specially he needs to do this for himself. Best wishes/good luck
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (30 October 2011):
Maybe it's time to give him an ultimatum--he gets help or you're leaving him. I understand you love him, but you can only take so much. He has a serious problem obviously, so if you do love him, you'll help him seek help.
There's plenty of gambling addiction helplines and websites. It's time for a serious talk. He know he has a problem, otherwise, we wouldn't start crying for screwing up. See if you can get some of his family or friends involved--people that care. Do an intervention if you have to.
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