A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Is it a bad idea to let any potential bf know that you have been in an abusive relationship? Could this make you more open to abusers? At what stage is it safe to let someone know that you were in an abusive relationship? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008): It's not a good idea to let every Tom, Dick and Harry know about your personal life. But if you get into a serious relationship it will probably affect how you act and the other person will understand you better if you explain. Wait till that happens.
In the meantime, to increase your chances of a successful relationship, you may like to get some emotional help such as counselling so as to reduce the negative impact of of the abuse.
A
female
reader, Whisp  +, writes (31 December 2007):
 I know past experiences can have a big effect of the present, but unless you think it's being particularly harmful to your relationships i don't think there's any need to tell them. if it means you want to take things slower then just tell them that, you don't *have* to explain why.on the other hand, if a relationship works out well and you're together for a long time you might feel that you need or want them to know, but there's no point in telling everyone you meet if you think it could be harmful, not every relationship last after all!
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A
female
reader, mama2three  +, writes (31 December 2007):
 I don't think it's bad to let a boyfriend know that you've been in an abusive relationship, but I don't know if it'd be necessary to let a POTENTIAL boyfriend know about your past.
You don't have to define yourself by events of your past :) Once you get comfortable enough in your relationship, let him know.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2007): I see what you are saying cause sometimes letting people know about your vulnerabilities can backfire on you especially if that person turns out to be a jerk and takes advantage of you or holds it against you.
I guess for now just keep it to yourself. I mean I don't think it is that important for him to know. There are alot of things about my life that I don't share with my boyfriends just because I don't feel like talking about it. You don't have to feel like you have to tell him everything.
If it ever becomes something you feel like you need to talk about and you feel strong enough to talk about it and trust him, then tell him. But until that day, I don't see it as something that he needs to know. So keep it to yourself.
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A
female
reader, 40 and secure +, writes (31 December 2007):
You should never be ashamed of who you are or where you came from. I believe that those of us that have been abused should accept that we own a portion of the responsibility for the abuse. Be proud that you have taken steps to remove yourself from the abusive environment.
Your relationship with your present partner should not be affected by what you have ACHIEVED in the past (by removing yourself from danger), unless it is admiration on his part. If he is enticed by your past, then he is destined to be a future participant in the abuse. Just be careful, I have found myself attracted to a second abusive man and only joined this blog to ask clarification for myself. Above all, be proud of who you are and protect yourself!
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