A
female
age
30-35,
*0ph1e
writes:I have been with my boyfriend almost 8 years however the older we're getting the less time we're spending together. we both live with our parents, but we are in the process of getting a house. he lives away during and comes home at weekends. he has a severely downsyndrome brother who I love and care for a lot, however his mum works at weekends and expects my boyfriend to look after him every friday because shes working. as I believe in a balance in a relationship I make sure he goes out with his friends on the Saturday. he also plays football both days of the weekend. my issue is is that I never see him on my own. I suggest to do things yet he says no as we're saving for a house. I only see him for the couple of hours on the friday night or whether he sees his family. im starting to feel really distant as we have no time together. ive mentioned that I feel like this but he said I was selfish. I just want a normal healthy relationship. I feel if we move in it will just be myself in an empty home. ive tried explaning, he just doesn't get it. can someone please tell me if being stupid. im desperate for some good advise, but im drifting away. thank you Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2014): I totally get how you are feeling, I was with my ex from the age of 17 to 30 and even now I would still say he was the love of my life, things were amazing until we both started college and as we matured I guess we both became different people. Yeh I hardly seen him through the week as he was always off doing something for college, or rehersals for a show, then work, anything that wasn't me! Eventually we got an apartment together and things were fine at first until he went awol for a week then texted me saying he was staying at some girls house, he needed space! Yeh right! He was a lieing cheat and all I was, was his safety net! I guess I made bad choices trying to hold on to my high school bf as they say and wasted the chance to meet someone who was right for me or who I was growing into, please tell your bf either he makes you a priority or u show him the door, don't waste your youth on someone that's not going to stick around x
A
male
reader, RevMick +, writes (31 March 2014):
 I would tend to think that it is only going to get worse if you move in together. It seems to me that he is putting his families wishes and thoughts above yours.
That is a really good indication of how things will always be. You don't want to be in a relationship were if his mother calls, he will be straight out the door.
Ask for the time you deserve together, if he says you're being inconsiderate, run for the hills and be thankful you found out now.
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A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (31 March 2014):
 You're not being stupid.
Unless you're in a long-distance relationship, you have every right to expect to see your partner more than a few hours a week - especially after eight years together. What you describe is NOT a healthy relationship, no matter what he says about it. Honestly, if you hadn't included the fact that you have met his family in your submittal, I would have wondered if he had a full-time girlfriend and you were his "other woman," unbeknownst to you!
Balance is essential in a relationship, yes, but balance goes both ways - meaning that if he's out doing fun things with his friends on a regular basis, he should also be making time for you on a regular basis.
Is there a good reason why he has to play football all weekend? Any way he could compromise and play football one day and see you the other? Out of everything he seems to have going on, that sounds like the least critical activity here, and I think just about any woman on the planet would eventually resent a partner who played football all weekend, every weekend, and told her to content herself with a few hours of his time scattered in between everything else he was doing.
In your shoes I definitely would NOT get a house (or any other major purchase) with this guy as long as this issue remains unresolved. If he is legitimately okay and content with barely spending time with you, that to me is a warning sign of serious trouble in the relationship. Getting a house with someone to whom you're not legally connected in any other way (i.e. marriage) is a risky proposition to begin with, even if the relationship you're in is PERFECT at the time, and the relationship you describe definitely isn't.
Next time he shoots down your request to see him or spend time with him "because we're saving for a house," tell him he's putting the cart before the horse, because if he keeps ignoring you he's not going to have a girlfriend to buy a house with. You deserve more than what he's giving you, so if he isn't willing to compromise on this, you need to show him the door.
Good luck and best wishes.
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