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female
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*ISSAMERICA4U@AOL.COM
writes: Hi. I had a threesome with my fiance and his friend. He stayed with me and now he's giving me the cold shoulder big time. I love him to death and I don't want our relationship to end but I have no clue how to say I am sorry or how to make it up to him. He says he feels like I cheated on him right in front of him. Please help me
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2007): Hello, I am a married man who fell in love with my wife because she was not at all sexually repressed. We recently had a threesome, me another male and her it was the most sexually charged experience of my life it was great! It went off with out a hitch and we will probably continue to explore this new experience together. I see that you guys are new in your relationship, well if he loves you and you love him I hope you can just chaulk it up as an experience that that you won't do again. For me I can't remember a weekend where I had continuous multiple orgasms one after the other, so tell your fiance to remember how much he loves you and to channel those bad feelings into the best sex you have had to date!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2005): So many men and women have this fantasy of watching their partner make love to another man, or woman. Or the woman wants to get laid by another man with her man's consent. I am assuming your boyfriend's friend was a guy? The problem is that three-way sex hardly ever works out the way everyone thinks it will. It crucial that a couple communicate with each other about their feelings and thoughts before doing this.
When couples try to bring another person into their relationship without prior understandings of what everyone expects and how things will be afterwards, things usually go wrong. One person sometimes feels left out. Or one person's feelings wind up getting hurt. Or two people find that they like each other way too much.
It can always happen, as it did in your case, that the outsider becomes the insider and perhaps the boyfriend gets shut out or felt very left out. Your first mistake was bringing a "friend" into your bedroom. You and your boyfriend should have had an agreement up front that there would be no "hard feelings" about this afterwards and that no one would feel hurt. Your situation did NOT work out that way.
The issue that is the most important... trust. Maintaining that throughout something like this will be the difference between keeping and nurturing your relationship or damaging it.
One of the best things that you should've done to maintain trust is to take the time to communicate your thoughts and feelings about this before you participate in the threesome. This applies not only to you and your boyfriend but also with the male you chose to have participate with you. one has to make sure that not only do you talk through what you and your boyfriend will feel the pros and cons of doing this may be, but also discuss specific boundaries that you wanted to have.
Both of you should have thoroughly discussed what feels comfortable and what doesn't. Remember this was not just about you and your male partner's desires and comfort level, but your boyfriend's as well.
With that out of the way, I would've kept in mind, the big risks to acting out one's sexual fantasies in real life.
Sometimes these fantasies are best left where they started...in one's mind and not acted out in real life.
Try to talk to your b/f about his feelings and find out what is bothering him. I hope your relationship can survive what went on and the two of you can move ahead from this. Both of you were responsible...but I think he is more bothered by what occurred during this 3-some than you are. Reality hit home and he didn't like how it made him feel. Thats my opinion..take it or leave it and good luck
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female
reader, rrclark21 +, writes (8 July 2005):
Having a threesome with your fiance doesn't quite make you look like the marrying type, if you know what I mean. No man in his right mind wants to see their potential wife perform such acts. Now if you were just another girl I'm sure he wouldn't care, but your not your his fiance! No matter how your relationship was before you two decided to tie the knot, you are officially wifey now so its time to start acting like it. No one is perfect, but I'm sure everytime that he looks at you, he is remembering that night. You can't blame him because men are very territorial and they do not want to see the one they love with anyone else in any way. Hopefully, he still looks at you as marriage material, but just in case you two need to go to a professional for counseling before the knot is actually tied.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (8 July 2005):
he obviously consented to the threesome? You have to be straight with him, tell him if youd realised he would be so upset you would never have done it but you thought he was OK about it at the time.Assure him it will never happen again and that you have no feelings for his friend.
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reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (8 July 2005):
First of all, your boyfriend was a willing participant in the 3 some. He is a consenting adult & agreed to be part of the sexual trio.
If the 3rd party was a FEMALE, would you feel he was being unfaithful right in front of you?
I dont' know how the 3some was planned or how it came about, but your boyfriend is NOT accepting any responsibility in this matter.
If he encouraged you to have sex with another man & sat & watched and/or participated...then he has NO right to accuse you of being unfaithful.
If he OBJECTED to the 3 some & you forced it on him...then he has a right to feel like you cheated in front of him.
I had a 3some once...it was fantasy...I will never do it again.
Overall, I believe monogamy is a wise choice for a healthy relationship.
I'm not sure if "damage control" will work on your boyfriend...he seems to have made his mind up that you cheated on him, so your relationship is on rocky ground.
Perhaps in time he will let go of it...if he's mature enough to get over it & move on...but if he continues to dump guilt on you & cause growing insecurities in you...I believe you need to take a step BACK & reassess your relationship with him.
If he's the "blaming type"...he will always be that way.
I repeat, if he participated willingly in the 3 some, you do NOT need to apologize to him....he needs to apologize to you & make amends for his immature behaviour.
Hopefully, the 2 of you can work through this...if not...then chalk it up to a learning experience for the next relationship...and move on with your life.
All the best,
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