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female
,
anonymous
writes: I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years and at the weekend he did something with another girl. I mean to give credit he didnt try to hide it from me at all which I do appreciate but does that make it OK to have done what he did?When I looked at him I couldnt help but feel sick at the thought of what he'd done and I couldnt bear to have him touch me. I love him still, I think, but I cant even imagine being with him again. He phones me up and cries down the phone to me saying he thought we'd be able to work through it and he never thought it would be the end of us, and it makes me feel guilty, like I'm doing something wrong by not wanting to take him back. I just want to enjoy myself and forget everything that's happened but that makes me feel guilty too. Have I done something to feel guilty about!? please help! Reply to this Question
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reader, becky05 +, writes (8 July 2005):
What he did is not OK.He told you and hes now crying down the phone because he feels guilty and is looking for forgiveness from you.If he can behave like this after being with you 2 years he doesnt deserve to be in a relationship and if you think you cant forgive him then you have done the best thing by ending the relationship.He obviously cant be trusted.
A
reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (8 July 2005):
Your boyfriend has made ASSUMPTIONS in thinking that his affair would NOT be the end of your relationship with him !
He is selfish & arrogant in his belief that you do not have the right to break up with him.
He seems to have an attitude that you should DISMISS the affair & forgive him instantly....HE IS DELUDING HIMSELF.
Years ago, my mate had an affair on me...and like you, I felt SICK at the thought of what he did with another woman, the mental images tormented my mind & soul, and I would NOT allow him to touch me in any way !
If a man thinks he can sneak out & have sex with another woman & then climb back into your bed & expect you to spread your legs for him...he's CRUEL...what he did to you was violating & hurtful, but he has dismissed his affair as MINOR & expects you to do the same.
Affairs are a relationship BREAKER.
They shatter the foundation of trust & respect.
It takes ALOT of work to rebuild a relationship after an affair, but I don't think your boyfriend has made much of an attempt to earn back your trust or respect...he just feels sorry for himself because you don't want him now.
NEWS FLASH for your mate..He brought this on himself !
My advice is to IGNORE his crocodile tears...he needs to suffer & come to terms with the SERIOUSNESS of his wrongdoing.
If you make it easy for him, he will not learn a valuable life lesson that BEING FAITHFUL is MANDATORY.
The only thing that needs to be dismissed, is your GUILT.
You have NOTHING to feel guilty about, honey...absolutely NOTHING.
You are the one who has been wronged...you are the one who is entitled to feeling wounded...you are the victim.
He sits & cries & thinks, "poor me...she won't take me back"
Don't feel sorry for him...don't waste one more bit of your precious energy on sympathy or guilt.
You say you "can't imagine being with him again."
That is a HEALTHY feeling...embrace it...use it to propel yourself forward.
Don't call him...tell him to stop phoning you...ignore him and get on with your life.
Perhaps in time...when he GROWS UP...he will realize how much he hurt you...and he may desire to make amends, but the ball is in YOUR court...you have the POWER.
Be strong...do not compromise...be TRUE to yourself.
All the best,
...............................
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