A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have been in a relationship for the past four yeras and the guy does mean a lot to me.Though he loves me a lot,there's no proper understanding between us and every other day there's a fight and he can get really angry and use an abusive language.It's been going for the past four years but right now i feel this is how life should be where i'm soaked up more in fighting and arguing than supporting and understanding each other.But i still seem to love him a lot and it's becoming difficult for me to come out of this relationship.though he says I can go out of the relationship,I'm not able to do that too and it's becoming difficult.what do i do?pls help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, busy04  +, writes (23 September 2009):
 Glad we could help :)
Good luck with whatever you do in life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2009): clariss and busy04:
thanks a lot for the answers:):)..i'm actually working right now.And it's been about three days since we spoke properly. Every time i hope it's going to be normal and he's going to change to a better person.Until now,there's been verbal abuse alone and not physical abuse.On the positive side,he's helped me a lot in fixing up some problems and has been there for me.But the amount of anger he shows and verbal abuse when he's angry nullifies whatever good he has done to me.I guess I need to be really strong for coming out of this and I just wish I get the strength.
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A
female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (23 September 2009):
 I think its unfair to blame one partner... it takes 2 to tango. There is a communication problem and you two need to learn to vent your issues in a calm manner. Sit down with him, agree that you will each talk for a minute or two uniterrupted and slowly begin the process of safe communication. Tell him that the fighting is weighing you down (I am sure this is not making him happy either). IF however he does not co-operate and try to make a difference then leave this guy in the dust! I believe that if people don't try then they don't care. So talk first... remember to both have talk time...talk softly and express all the issues that are bothering you. Good luck... xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2009): Hi
You are setting yourself up for a lot of emotional damage. Getting stuck in a situation like this is NOT OK. You know, choosing to stay in an abusive relationship YOU are giving him a license to abuse you, to treat you like this. It is YOU who are ENCOURAGING his behavior. How far is physical abuse from fights and abusive language. We all get angry, but that doesn't mean that we let go of our reason. Your boyfriend does it and it is quite often. Do you wish to be one of those girls that get beaten up regularly, yet stay on because over time they have let their men destroy any respect they had for themselves! It will become a vicious cycle. And DON'T THINK that things like this do not happen to people like you! IT Rihanna could get beaten up, by someone as suave and successful and content as Chris BRown, so could you! Anger is an emotion, but rage is a result of habit! A few fights and even scream-fests aren't really a problem, if the result is just venting, and if it is rare an d if it helps the relationship. But that isn't the case with you is it? Look, grab your things and get out of this relationship. I think you want to, but after spending such a lot of time in it, you are reluctant to, right? Think not of the past, but of the future. Also, I think that you are getting addicted (or at least attracted) to all this emotional drama. And that is another reason why you must get out of this relationship. You heard of cutters, right? People who cut themselves up because they like the pain? You don't want to end up that way, now do you?
I think that you have a lot of free time on hands, and that is why you like this little excitement and drama. WHat exactly do you do? If you do not have a nob or studies then get one. Find bigger challenges. Frankly, I am surprised that someone healthy and balanced will put up with such unacceptable behavior for so long!!! I'm sorry to say this but you are playing the role of the victim and you are the one who is encouraging him! So, take control and snap out of this. LOVE DOESN'T HURT! So, this is not really love or even a relationship. It is such a pathetic situation that has continued because it seemed convenient. So... I have already told you what to do.
Hope you haven't allowed yourself to be too warped and so you will get out of this relationship in the near future.
Take Care :)
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A
female
reader, busy04 +, writes (23 September 2009):
I think you've become immune to pain & used to the harm that this relationship is really causing you. You may feel like it's "how life should be", but sweetheart...it's not. You are too young to feel that this is how you should be living, you should be happy & you should be with someone who makes you happy, not make you feel down. Relationships are built on communication & understanding, among other things. And if you don't have that, then you really can't have a relationship at all. And there is NO love where there is abuse of any kind. Be it verbal, physical, emotional, sexual or any other kind. That's not love, that's harming to the soul.
You obviously see that there is a problem in this relationship & that is the first step to fixing this. If you don't believe that you can walk away right now, then at least take a break for about a month & re-evaluate your life & feelings. Give yourself a chance to feel free without conflict & bickering, build your strength up, realize what you're worth and then try to move forward. You can do it!
Best wishes!
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