A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My wife and i separated last year due to ongoing issues within our relationship. I wanted to get back together but she didn't want to. I eventually started to accept this and try and move on. I ended up dating someone who I worked with. Shortly after this my wife decided she wanted me back. I was unsure but mainly for the childrens sake I went back. However, I have kept in touch with the 'other woman' and we have met in secret on occasions - although we have never had sex. I love this other woman and she loves me but we are too scared to make a go of it because we don't want to hurt anybody.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): Unfortunately somebody will get hurt. You can't keep seeing this woman behind your wife's back. That's not fair, that's not trying to make your marriage work. It's also not fair to the other woman. It's makeup or breakup time, you ended your seperation too soon. This half way house is crazy, it can't be making you, your friend or yourself happy. How is your marriage at the moment, have you managed to sort out your problems. How strong are your feelings for this woman, can you live without her. Stop seeing this woman, because eventually you'll be having sex. Think about where you want to be in five years time and think about what you need to do to get there. It may not be in anybody interests for you to stay with your wife, children need two parents yes, but it's better if the parents are happy and in love, rather than unhappy and in love with somebody else. Take care of you. Take your time and think things through.
A
male
reader, SamuraiRick  +, writes (8 July 2008):
 I think you should stay with your wife. You say you went back to yur wife for the sake of the children...that was the right thing to do.
When the kids are out of the house, you might consider breaking up again. But since you will be back with your wife try...try to make it work. If you need counseling get it.
You have to do what you feel is right of course. Talk things over with your girlfriend...is she willing to wait for the day you can feel ok with leaving your wife with the kids gone? How many years would it take? How fair is it for her to wait?
How old are your kids? Would they be able to handle a divorce?
Right now there are more quesitons to answer before you can make the right decisions with this other woman, but for now you did the right thing going back to your family, and I applaud you.
You have to make some major compromises with this woman...either make her wait, or let her go...and if you do make her wait, would it be fair to your wife if you cheated on her? I think not.
This is a delicate situation. I hope you do the right thing.
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