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female
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anonymous
writes: Me and my bf are both Christians and we've been going out for almost a year, and have been celibate with each other because we've had bad sexual experiences in our past experiences and we don't feel ready for that sort of thing, so it's not an option but I can't say I ahven't felt like I have wanted to have sex with hinm. We haven't gotten into a hot and heavy situation, but sometimes I get fantasies that I know don't help in my conviction in not having sex with him for both my sake and his. He's pretty adamant about not doing it because he's had a scary experience before with an hiv test (it was negative) but he said never wnated to go through that fear again, which I understand (although if we EVER did it we'd be protected, and I've been tested and I know I don't have anything and he's also disease free) I just want to know if anybody ever had a similar situation when you knew sex wasn't a good idea at all for either person, but how to feel not bothered by the fact you won't have sex? I had a bad exerience before wth sex, and my friend said that I wouldn't give that bad experience so much power if I had a positive sexual experience, but I don't wnat to ruin anything between my bf and I, and I almost think like I don't want to ruin a good thing, so how can I not be plagued by sex thoughts? Thank you
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female
reader, vixsfix +, writes (19 March 2006):
 Hey, i read your problem and the responce and i totally agree with what was said. On your responce, if your bad experience is affecting you so much have you considered councilling to help you work through it and help you get a better perspective on your life? I think that you need some closure so that the past doesn't ruin the rest of your life, you dnt deserve to stew over it. You sound very sensible and i think that you really deserve a good life with reationship you can feel comfortable in and enjoy sexually.Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for your answer, I really appreciate it..it's not rude at all, that's a very good way to relieve tension and it would probably even be more valuable because you yourself learn about your own body and how and what amkes you feel good..besides you ahve to please yourself before you can please anyone else...in the future, I actually don't know..I actually just asked for a break with my bf, not because of being sexually frustrated, but because my other past bad relationship I think is really getting to me, and I need time to think and have space..ahh I went off on a tangent, but anyway thank you!
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A
male
reader, d4u04  +, writes (16 March 2006):
 Well you obviously have to respect your religious beliefs but your sex drive is natural, and as your boyfriend is adamant that he won't you obviously feel sexually frustrated, but would you ever have sex in the future? Because the best cure for this would be to face your fears and see that loving sex can be the most enjoyable experience of your life. But if this is not an option then why not masturbate if you really want to get rid of your desires. I know what you're going to say, I feel rude, it's very embarrassing and the answer to that is no it's not, it is a perfectly natural and normal way to please yourself and find what turns you on in private. But also, don't be afraid to tell your man your feelings, openess and honesty will be respected more later.
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