A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing my girlfriend for 2 years and she has a child, so we don't get many chances to go out on our own. However she seems to find time to go out with her friends. But on those occasions I'm not allowed to go. When I mention we should go out together she makes excuses and causes arguments. Just would like some advice please. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, DKW +, writes (13 December 2010):
You've just answered your question yourself there mate...you're not allowed to go out when she goes out in mixed company? I hear alarm bells...don't be a mug, find out whats going on, if you have suspicions, move out!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): Hi thanks for everyone that got back to me. We seem to argue over little things. Think it's because it's not going in the direction I want it too. Her friends are both male and female who she goes out with and not allowed to go when she goes out with them
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A
male
reader, DKW +, writes (10 December 2010):
This may sound harsh, but it sounds like she just wants you for a babysitter...is the relationship OK apart from her nights out? I don't want to make you paranoid my friend, but Id wonder whats going on when she's out with her friends...
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A
male
reader, theagonyinaunt  +, writes (10 December 2010):
It sounds like you're not able to get your girlfriend to actually listen to you.
There is a piece of advice I often give to people, and you would be surprised how many situations can be resolved just using it. It is as follows:
You should first ask her if you can sit down and talk for a minute. Make sure you ask her calmly. It is extremely important not to let your emotions run away with you here. When you do sit down, acknowledge that you've fought about this issue before, and you have no wish to do so again. Tell her you just want to tell her how you feel about it, and nothing more. It will be hard for her to cause an argument over something so small. Then do just that. Tell her about how the situation makes you feel. Don't accuse her of anything, in fact, don't really include her at all.
The point you want to make here is that the situation makes you feel bad. Saying anything other than that may cause an argument. She cannot argue with you about your own feelings, so stick to that. Just say, for example, that you often feel as if doesn't enjoy going out with you, and if that's the case, is there anything you can do to fix that? If the answer is no, she doesn't have a problem, ask her if she would be open to the idea of having a day or night out that you plan in advance, if you made all the arrangements.
Tell her you can get someone to mind her child, and that you'll book a restaurant or whatever and all she has to do is look gorgeous, you'll do the rest. What you want to do here is to get her excited about going out, so arrange to go somewhere she likes, do something she likes. You need to remind her that going out with you is fun.
When she agrees, make sure she knows you're really happy. People love to feel wanted, and perhaps she's just forgotten that you still like to make a fuss over her.
I really hope you get this sorted out.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (10 December 2010):
 Well she needs to give and take a little bit here, and compromise with you. Ok so it is only fair that she gets to have a night off from her child and go and hang out with her friends as it is good for her to socialise outside of the relationship, just like it would be good for you to go out with the lads and relax.
But you also need to do things as a couple as am sure you know. Try talking to her and tell her how you feel, maybe even if you both got to go out together on your own once a fortnight. Organise a babysitter and do something together. To get to the bottom of this you need to ask your girlfriend why she always makes excuses and ask her to compromise with you and make an effort as it is effecting your relationship and taking the fun out of it. Goodluck.
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