A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:we were just friends at school for 2 yrs but i had secret feelings for her. after 5 years we met again at an organization. this 5 yrs were so bad for me, as i loved her i could not love anyone else. after few months at this organization i sent her love letter by email stating my love 4 her from school days and that i could not and wont be able to think any other girl in place of her and that my love is independent of her status. but she replied the mail saying she was shocked and she doesn't want me get hurt at the same time she cant get out of her relationship.i'm so sad with this. but this wont hamper our friendship.now what should i do? should i say this by email or by text message or by phone or to say it face to face. which will be the best?in spite of refusal i still love her and dont want break the friendship.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 December 2010):
 Take your time and just be friends. Its a good thing she wont leave her relationship, it shows she's faithful and have good qualities. But maybe they will break up, and then you can court her again more properly. Until then, no more love letters. You have stated how you feel about her, and once is good enough. Leave it up to time now.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): There is a proverb which says, "Open rebuke is better than secret love." That you've followed your heart and expressed your desire for her is both courageous and beautiful...continue to be open-hearted and want what she wants for herself. She may have been in your life for you to have the experience of being open-hearted, not receiving the response you hoped for, and then learning to remain open-hearted. This is a powerful lesson and will magnify your experience of love when its reciprocated. Man to man, my suggestion is that you deal with your pain in private and move on. You want a woman that wants to be with you. You've planted a seed. Let it be. But live your life pursuing other possiblities that life presents for you...stay open. There's a great book coming to my mind that would enlighten any man's quest for love and understanding of women. The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. Life-changing. All my best to you!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 December 2010):
 Ok well i think the best way to say it would be just to reply back to her email, dont try and contact her to her face as this might scare her a little bit. You need to accept that she is with someone else and she will never be yours. Are you sure you are strong enough to have her in your life only as a friend? If you are then tell her this in the email but leave it at that.
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