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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi there,My boyfriend is going travelling for about a year in a few weeks. We have been together for 5 mths. We did try and stay together until he leaves but he has said he can't do it which has made me really sad.He has told me that it's because he is finding it hard spending so much time with me when we both know when he goes that it is going to end. We have both agreed that carrying on while he is travelling is probably not a good idea as it won't work being away from each other for so long. He decided on the trip before we got together. But he does want us to stay in touch. We may meet up along his travels. If we still like each other when he returns then we may get back together.I am just really upset we have split before and wanted to stay together until he goes. We are going to spend some time together before but not as much. I wasn't prepared to start missing him so soon.Thanks for any advice.
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (17 September 2008):
 OK I think the fact that he has split with you already is not only allowing you time to come to terms with it but he is trying to prepare himself for this trip, you don't know if he is a little wary about what is going to happen on this trip and knowing he has to spend time with you will only heighten that fear/worry.
I know you weren't prepared for it but I don't think you have really come to terms with the fact that he is going away.
You knew when you got together that he had planned this trip so it hasn't come as a shock it is just that you have obviously fallen quite deeply for this guy and the separation is what you are fearing the most.
I think in a lot of ways he is being kind to you so that when the actual day comes that he leaves you have already experienced not having him around so much.
Don't put your life on hold for a year as he has made it perfectly clear that he wants you to live while he is away and you don't know what will happen with him away so don't sit around pining for him as that will not do you any good, keep yourself as active as possible and you will be surprised how quickly that year will pass.
If you are meant to be together then you will see where you are at in a year's time when he returns, however if you have met someone else and you are happy then that is something he will have to accept.
Life is so short so don't waste time over thinking what might have been but just keep busy instead. It isn't going to be easy but just start by taking one day at a time and maybe you could plan your own trip/holiday even with friend's so you have something to look forward to OK.
Take care and keep smiling it is the only way to get through.
BFN
Country Woman
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