A
male
age
36-40,
*asavior
writes:So here's how it went down for me (skip to the last two paragraphs if you want, they said i had to repost vs re-wording the original). I've had a friend for over the last twenty years. Were both 24 and still living at home (he's my neighbor). Because his family is so friendly they've allowed people to live with them over the years, and about six years ago a girl moved in with the them. A year or so later her and i became good friends and I developed a crush. It seemed mutual (not to I alone but friends as well) so I 'confessed' and got rejected. Fast forward to July 2008. Roughly 4-6 months ago she broke up with a boyfriend of two years, still living with my friends family, so we're hanging out more and we become good friends again. Yes, I develop that same stupid crush again because she's still that fun and exciting person I liked before. This time I don't act on it 'cause I already know she doesnt feel the same, so i tried to push the feelings aside.One night we were playing cards and the liquor was flowing (i feel i should add that was her idea). Next thing I know she gets up to give me backrub, kisses me, and one thing led to another (my brain knew i should resist, but my body wouldnt let me. boose and desire are a dangerous mix). Over the next month and half we hooked up more than a dozen times (liqour free). She invited me to concerts (she bought the tickets), beaches, her family gatherings twice, and was planning on Vegas and Catalina in the next couple weeks, just us. She'd hold my hand while walking down the beach, hold me close at the concerts, and generally be extra close in non-bedroom scenarios. In bed she would tell me how much she liked me, throw around the words "I love you" (as women do to friends) and word things that made me question what we had. she would also txt/contact me 100x more than the entirety of our acquaintance. i purpously made no invites, nor plans to hang out with her, or anything else because i wanted to know if i was a drunken mistake or something else. i simply went along with the plans she made and invites she gave, never pushed for sex or anything romantic, although she often led us there.So last Friday things got confrontational and I said I couldn't separate "friends with benefits" anymore, and she in a.. 'heartfelt' explination said she had no romantic interest in me. Crushed again.I don't know what to do. Do I try and salvage a friendship with her, or do I cut the cord and consider it to potentially damaging on my psych. It's hard enough for me to make friends and I only have ..2-3? Also there in tail raised the question of the life-long friend. How do i visit my neighbor when this girl is still there? do i stop going to the house, do i ignore her while im there, do i be friendly to someone who played on my emotions... im at a loss on where to go with them.
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broke up, crush, drunk, living at home, moved in Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (15 September 2008):
 Maybe you have been a little too laid back here and she has 'lost' interest in you. Women like the men to do some of the chasing too you know!! I dont know if you can get that back now but please dont let her interrupt the 20 year friendship you have with your neighbour.
you hold your head high, you still go round and you still spend time with him. She wont ALWAYS be there and if she is you remain polite and friendly and dont show her that she has hurt you. x
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