| A
female
age
36-40,
*arret
writes: I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now and apart from the odd tiff we get on well and have a good relationship.There is one problem however that i think lies more with me, but i dont know how to resolve it. You see, we were friends before we got together romantically and i remember how smitten he was with his ex-girlfriend. He would always talk about how ideal she was and how no-one could ever compare to her and when they broke up i was his shoulder to cry on. He would go on about how he could never find someone as great as her and how she knew things about him that no-one else did. About a year later things changed and he and i got together. I have no doubt that he is in love with me and he's an excellent boyfriend, but i just cant stop recalling the things he used to say about her. Ther are intimate details about their relationship that i wish i didnt know because i think about it alot and it really upsets me. I feel asthough if she didnt finish with him, he'd still be smitten with her and that i dont match up. Also i dont feel i know hell of a lot about him than his other friends know. I know im being insecure and should focus on the good but i dont want to bring it up with him and cause arguements therefore dont get any reassurance. How do i stop feeling like this? She lives locally and is very attractive, and somehow i just feel like i was second choice.
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broke up, ex girlfriend, his ex, insecure Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2007): When you sit there and expend your valuable time and energy comparing you to a woman of the past and who did at one time have meaning to him...to you, the one who is in his life, who gets to make him smile, who gets to hear him laugh, who gets to be touched by his hands, and to hear him say he loves you, he chooses you...you are missing out on the gift on him and the NOW.
You are now, today, at this moment...the only one he desires.
This is your chance, your time to be his someone special.
To sit there and create and add more meaning to his past GF and that she means more and had more to offer than you do now; you yourself are saying you believe you are worthless of this man and therefore are setting yourself up for a fall where you will push him away because of imagined jealousy over someone who doesn't exsist to him other than some person he meets on the street and just waves to and moves on.
He moved on in his life and it is with you at his side.
Snap out of it.
A
female
reader, rammsteinfan  +, writes (2 January 2007):
 Hey! That was then...they were going together at the time...and the break-up where he cried on your shoulder because of his loss. THAT IS NOW THE PAST...it's OVER. The past should be left in the past; never to be gone over and over!!!
Now he is with you...and he loves you! and you love him! You are NOT his 2nd choice...but his 1st!! How i know..I was in the same boat as your bf. I was hopelessly in love with my ex and when we split up I was so devastated I thought I was going to die!!! I thought I couldn't make it without...thought i would never be able to survive. I didn't think that i could love another like him. But I was wrong!!! BOY WAS I WRONG!
I am with my present bf...which I know that i love more than the other!!! I am so glad to have met him!!
I recently ran into my ex...and I have no feelings what-so-ever for him....thought to myself what did I ever see in him. I was so glad to have met my current bf!!!
You are his main woman..his main squeeze...his first choice!!
You have to go forward...don't delve into the past. it holds nothing for you at all. Since you didn't mention in your question that after you two got together that he kept talking about her....he more than likely got way over her.
You have him!!! Good luck to you two!!! let me know how things go...i care!!
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