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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi everyone.A quick question about my ex-boyfriend please...I was madly in love with my boyfriend, whom I dated for 6 months...and I did believe he felt the same way about me.But to cut a long story short, he moved away suddenly (abroad) to be with his family, as he had fallen ill....and he just never returned!He always insisted he would come back to be with me...but one day just cut all contact with me. He didn't tell me anything - no explanation - I wasn't even notified that I was dumped! All I knew was that he stopped answering or returning all my calls...A few months later, he got in touch and we met up. And I still loved him, and felt he had feelings for me. He explained his behaviour down to his illness and not being able to cope with seeing me too. We arranged to see each other again.But then he did the same thing again and went silent on me!!At this point I decided he was a loser, and as hurt as I was, I sent him a text asking him to never contact me again, and i was sorry that he couldn't even treat me with any respect. That was in November 06.I got no reply from him and moved on with my life. I was very hurt.But now, just before Xmas, he sent me a text to wish me a happy Xmas and New Year. I decided not to reply as it would lead me to open up old feelings for him.But he re-sent this same text the following day!! I don't understand why he wants to contact me now, after treating me so badly, and after all this time!I didn't reply to either text. But now i just got another text from him, wishing me a Happy New Year!Can anyone explain what's up with him? I'm very confused. Don't understand why he doesn't just pick up the phone and explain himself.I don't believe we can go back anymore as he really did hurt me deeply.I'd love to hear some male perspectives on his behaviour.Thanks veyr much - and Happy New Year!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Rammesteinfan,
Thanks for your reply.
Well, he fell ill suddenly with Type 1 diabetes. This happened whilst he was visiting his family abroad last Xmas.
He has recovered now although has had to face a life change of life with long term medication (insulin injections) and dietary care.
What I didn't mention is that we were together up until March (even though he was away, he came over once a month)...
But after this, he stopped all contact. He still came to visit UK every month, but just avoided me! He visited his cousin who lived next door to me, but avoided me!! And one day we bumped into each other, and he ignored me flat.
I was devastated at the way he treated me. And I cut him off too.
But 6 months later I hear he had an accident in his country - he collapsed (prob forgot to eat at a certain time) and cut up his face etc. I was so upset that I had to contact him. And that's how we got talking again.
Anyway, we saw each other when he next came to visit uk and it felt like there was still a lot of love between us. We agreed to meet again abroad (as I have a job working in his country)...but then when I next called him, he just didn't return the call. The same strange treatment.
I was so upset that I decided to cut him off as I can;t even bear to see him - I loved him too much. I told him that I was sorry that he couldn't treat me with any respect or honesty, and if he didn't want to see me again he should have just said so. That was in November and he didn't reply - I was surprised to hear from him this Xmas!! Twice!! And then again this New Year!
Anyway, of course I care for him, I just don't want to waste time getting hurt on caring for someone who doesn't feel the same back. I've totally lost my self esteem because of him.
By the way, I couldn't ignore this last email, so decided to respond, but it was pretty cold. I signed with my full name (which he never calls me!)...
I genuinely think he did care for me but got confused as he appears to be living abroad permanently. When he sees me, it reminds him of his feelings (like it did for me)....but at the same time, he thinks there is no point in us being together because of the distance. Having said that, I'm sure he has a number of women over in his country too - he's a charmer and very good looking.
So, what do I do? I have to assess the way I've been treated too.
Thanks again x
A
female
reader, rammsteinfan  +, writes (2 January 2007):
 I think that you jumped the gun on this!!! you stated that he moved to be with his family because he had fallen ill! You never stated how ill he was.....and how long since you last seen him until the text that he sent you for xmas. But moving back to be with his family sounded to me that it was very serious...he was probably so ill that he couldn't make contact with you.
He didn't want you to see him in that condition...you seeing him weakened would be very devastating for him. I think that you should put aside your hurt feelings and send a text back to him! Find out how he is.....and you might find out that he is not your ex-bf!!!
hugs and hugs!!!
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