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male
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*akic
writes: Me and my girlfriend of 2 years just recently broke up. It was because of one stupid arguement but I guess you can say the separation was a long time coming. When we were together it was perfect and we were both full of love. We even had talked about marriage. Then because of course selection we ended up in different universities and it was hard being apart. We both found it hard to deal with the lonleliness, which lead to a few arguements. Just recently, because of one of those arguements, we broke up. She claimed that we would keep and touch and be best friends and that this may only be temporary, but just 4 days later I called her and she got mad at me for calling. She told me I should move on and that she's considered it and that there's no chance of us being together anymore, and that she doesn't want to stay in touch as much. I still love her more then anything and would do anything to be with her again despite the distance. What should i do???
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reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (30 September 2005):
 You have to play the game right mate! First thing you did wrong was to contact her only after 4 days. I know it was hard for you but when you did that, you were actually acting clingy and was implying to her that the break up wasnt serious at all! I know she told you that the break up may only be temporary but let me tell you this, never completely believe what you hear unless its actioned out as well. But take it from me, its not all over if you play your cards right. Attraction is a weird thing, and most guys think they have it all figured out but boy oh boy, were they oh so wrong!! You have to keep your distance from her right now. When she sees you, dont get all clammy, try your best to be yoruself, like she was just a plain old friend. Dont set to impress thats what i mean. And please dont go calling her and never ever ever whine to mutual friends that you're still not over her. And in the meantime, better yourself as in try doing something different for a change, like taking up a 'cool sport' like surfing/gymming. You'll never know, you'll meet someone whilst you're diong it!! And thats exactly what Im trying to get at...you psyche yourself into believing that she still wants you back (whether its true or not), but you want to move on with your own life now for the time being!! And if you do it right, chances are, she'll come around in time to come...but do bear in mind tho that this might take weeks even months. But if she does come around later, you will have the choice of taking her back or the sweet girl you met at the coffee house!! But whatever you do, dont grovel, dont call her, dont let her know how hurt you are (she doesnt have to know and its not like it'll do your situation any good anyway) and most of all, dont whine about it!! Take it like a good sport and she'll soon realise what shes missing!!
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reader, schlottjl  +, writes (30 September 2005):
 I am so sorry. You must feel horrible. As a chick I have some good news and some bad. The bad first: It is over for now and at least the next year or so at the very least. Girls never tend to come out and say it is over and please leave me alone unless they really mean it. You can't make her listen (without breaking laws and looking very unsexy and desperate.) You can't really do anything except fight every urge to contact her, at least for a long while.
The good news is that there is a spark of hope for the future and you are in the perfect position to make it work for you. You need to increase the sexy factor and decrease the creepy factor. (We all do! Not you specifically.)
Why the perfect position? Because there are a few things that most girls really respond to. Most important is- do not look desperate. If no other girls would look twice at you, she definitely won't. So (and I know this might seem impossible, but try it as an experiment,) DATE! And do so at least once a month. Do not stay inside except to study. This will keep you from focusing on her and increase the likely hood of her hearing how great you look and how you were having fun with some girl. Girls will ALWAYS think twice when another woman thinks you worthy. She says to herself “wait, maybe I over reacted...”
Make sure to study and more than usual. Why, girls are hardwired to go for a guy that is protective, smart, and with the capability to succeed. Look and become the guys- guy. Insist on respect and never be anywhere you are not wanted and valued. Act as if you deserve respect and you will get it.
You don't have to be a gorgeous stud, but you do have to be her biggest wonder or what if guy. So to sum up the goods for attracting girls, I give you a quick list of the top turn ons: success, confidence, brains, protection, guys who other guys respect, guys who other girls want to date, guys who could take or leave them but are not disrespectful, honest guys who never over attach until it is mutual, and guys who have a hobby or access in something that is unusual like motor cross, travel, movie lots, art, concerts, knowledge of the best club bouncers...
Then when you have defiantly increased the sexy and decreased the creepy, you may call her... BUT- only if it has been at least one school term (and no sooner than Spring Break). If you see her keep your cool. You can smile and cut the conversation a bit short and look wistfully and comment that she still has it but, oh well, her loss too. This is the only hope. If she seems receptive (laughs a lot, looks at you through the top of her eyes, touches you at all, or lingers consider asking if she wants coffee before you split again. But even then keep it short. Always leave em wanting more.
Play it right and she will think fondly of you forever at the minimum! Play it as I said and you probably won't even care with in six months.. There are millions of ladies out there and there never will never be an easier time to hunt down so many your own age. Once you are out of college it will get very different. The average guy marries whomever he is dating about 1 year after graduation BECAUSE it is SOOOOO tough to even meet people.
Don't Call and either study or exercise each time the urge to overwhelms you. Everybody lucky enough to have felt love and who didn't settle for the first experience and person who they happened upon , has felt what you do now. That is where all of our responses come from and we know how horrible it feels. But each day is one day closer to happiness. Make a life for your self and make it a good one... it is the sweetest revenge and a sweet aphrodisiac!
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reader, pops +, writes (30 September 2005):
MOve on. Its her decision, and you are not in a position to change her mind. Consider it her loss. There will be someone else out there who will appreciate you. Ffind her.
Use this experience to find out what things are worth arguing about, and what are not. If she wants to see you again, she will call. Then it will be up to you to decide if you want to have anything more to do with her. Frankly, she has slammed the door on your fingers. Lick your wounds, and move on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2005): I know exactly were you are coming from. If you really want her back you should do whatever it takes to make her listen to how you feel, prove to her that you really need her in your life. If she cares for you as much as you care about her, she will give you a chance to prove yourself, but most importantly don't let it bring you down, always be positive and keep your head up
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