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female
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anonymous
writes: I don't understand....my boyfriend never seems to be in the mood. I ask him if anything is wrong....I try to get him in the mood, and that usually doesn't work. I am usually a very affectionate person, but this lack of intimacy makes me feel like I'm losing my mind. If I knew that he had such a low sex drive when we met I probably wouldn't have gotten a place with him...what do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008): If your boyfriend is showing affection and being intimate in other ways then I think the problem is that he feels woried or insecure in some way rather than a lack of interest in you. Ask yourself (and him)if he has problems at work, concerns about the future or other stresses. If this is the case and these are likely to be temporary problems then I would just be patient. Sometimes when you start living with a guy he can feel crowded. This is not a rejection of you and if you give him some space while you take time to do things you enjoy - see friends, do some things without him. He will value your company more when you value yourself and your own interests. Be warm and loving towards him without presuring him for sex. And when he shows you affection DON'T try to turn the situation into sex. Give him a long massage but agree beforehand that sex is not on the agenda. Pushing him will do just that - push him further away.Generally show him that you value him for lots of reasons and he will relax.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (30 September 2005):
 Ask him why he is never in the mood, ask him whether he has a problem with intimacy, ask him what drives him wild in bed, ask him if he has had a bad experience that has put him off. The thing is to talk to him.
It could be that he suffers from impotency and feels ashamed. It could indeed be that he has a very low sex drive or it could be some other physical or psychological matter.
Try to get him to open up to you and reveal what the problems are. Tell him you are willing to support him if there is a light at the end of the tunnel such as going to the doctors together, listening to all he has to say (I am assuming you have feelings/love for him to be living with him) but that you would like a normal, satisfactory and intimate relationship.
Try and talk to him today.
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reader, pops +, writes (30 September 2005):
Ask him to get checked out by a physician to see if there is anything wrong medically. It is not normal for a man to have no interest in sex. If his physician give him a clean bill of health, then his problem is between his ears. Tell him he either goes to counseling to deal with HIS problem, or you are leaving. Perhaps he has simply had a change of heart and does not value the relationship as much as you do. His loss. But life is too short to wait for a rock to fall on his head, if he is unwilling to seek treatment.
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