A
female
age
41-50,
*urt14
writes:I can't get over my finace. I found out he was having emotional affair on Facebookand instead of talking he called our engavement off and wouldn't admit to this. ( I gave him space to think and told him if we were no longer together (2.5 years) then I will be taking my truck that I purchased and he has been driving. He didn't think I would do this. In the end he needed to get a loan to buy me out. I just found out that he is suffering from stress. I told him to get in and get the professional help he needs. I so what to be back with him. It's been 4 months now. Do I send him an email saying I still love you and I just want to hear your side, work things out. Or do I accept this relationship is over and walk away.
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male
reader, firstlovelastlove +, writes (1 March 2011):
 "Do I say thank you for the cheque and walk away." I wouldn't.
"Or say when you get help and if you would like to talk, you know where I am. Also let him know that I am sorry but I just couldn't have $23,000 sitting over my head wondering if he would make the payments." I would say this to him and also have this written out on a card and give it to him so he can read and re-read it later. Maybe I'm old fashioned but you two were engaged and that is a very big deal to me. I think he would definitely want to "talk" when he's feeling better. I wish both of you all the best.
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (1 March 2011):
 hi
i am sorry to hear this has happened. look, HE is the one that had the emotional affair, HE is the one who called off the engagement and threw it all away rather than bother to talk to you about things, so why do you think it is YOU who should extend a hand of forgiveness or whatever now? i think this is not your choice to be honest coz he seems to have already decided.
it is early days yet in terms of getting over this - but you will get over it - i guarantee it! it is normal to grieve, it is normal to have your confidence shattered by something like this.
say you emailed him that you still love him and want to give things another go; say he agrees to get back with you - will you ever trust him again? take him back if that's what you both want but i do not see a a future for you that is not fraught with jealousy, mistrust and insecurity for you. is this really what you want out of life?
you had a nice relationship and were engaged and this was not enough for him so he blew it. you would be better moving on in your life as someone who is free to meet a man in the future who does not make you feel like this. so yes, i think you should take your cheque and walk out of his life. if anyone should do any grovelling it should be him! but don't feel hurt if he doesn't coz he will be doing you more of a favour than you know if he leaves you alone now
xx
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (1 March 2011):
well seeing as how he was the one who had the affair and he was the one who called off the engagement, I think this relationship is over at least as far as he's concerned. His two actions have spoken loud and clear...
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A
female
reader, hurt14 +, writes (1 March 2011):
hurt14 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have to see him this Friday at the bank. He says he doesn't love me anymore and need to deal with his stress.
Do I say thank you for the cheque and walk away.
Or say when you get help and if you would like to talk, you know where I am. Also let him know that I am sorry but I just couldn't have $23,000 sitting over my head wondering if he would make the payments.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (1 March 2011):
 This sounds familiar... have you posted here before?
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A
male
reader, lovestricken10622 +, writes (1 March 2011):
I think you can make this work only if you want this to work. Stress can make all of us do stupid things sometimes. I'm kinda going through what you are going through right now with fiance. She has feelings for someone else and we are constantly fighting and we are considering breaking up...if you are willing to work at it and he is to then it is definitely worth it if you love each other.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): You need to get over him. Even if he didn't actually cheat on you, you weren't his one and only, and that's not acceptable. If you get back together with him, how will you ever trust him again? He shouldn't be trusted anymore. And this is all before he dumped you without a fight or a backward glance. Find someone else who you can start over with and who REALLY loves you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): It's a bit hard to say wihout more details, 4 months is a long time. It sounds as if he is not very open about his feelings and instead of talking to you got weak and went to talk to someone else, that is not necessarily a bad thing talking to someone else, but somewhat inapropriate, I agree It would have been better if he sought out a good professional to deal with the stress. I think the best you can do is explain to him clearly and kindly your bottom line, saying that the stress of introducing a new person into your life (like sharing personal things with them online) rather that with you or a professional is too much for you as it would be for any woman.Then ask him if he feels it would be a positive step to see someone to help him manage his stress, say that you care about him and that this will be a good thing that will make for a happier life for himself and hopefully you.For some reason I sense he is a bit of a dreamer and you are not, are you actually compatable?Regards
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A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove +, writes (28 February 2011):
Two and a half years and you two were engaged? Maybe I'm old fashioned but I would not send an email. For something like this, especially something like this, I would show up at his door unannounced and have a heart to heart. I wish you well.
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