A
male
age
,
*oulou7
writes:Dear Relationship Advisor,I've got a big problem and was wondering if you could help. But its kind of a long story so bear with me.A few years ago I met a really nice and fun girl. I was immediately attracted to her because of her fun loving nature and her outgoing personality not to mention that she is pretty and smart. One thing led to another and we soon started going out. While we had a kind of rocky start we eventually settled into a nice relatioinship and despite of our age differnece (I'm 48, shes 24) we got along really well and we had more in common than we thought we would. (the rocky start was my fault because my ex was still bugging me at the time and like an idiot I listened to my ex tell me she wanted to get back together when she really just wanted to pull me away from this girl). While we were togehter we had great times and got along better than I thought we would and I think better than she thought we would. Our love life was great, our social life was great, our private life was great and basically while we were together things were nice and peaceful and we rarely argued. Well things were going along nicely when my ex barged into the picture and scr*wed things up for me. I later came to find out that my ex did it on purpose again just to ruin the relationship I had with this girl. This girl thought I was having an affair with my ex which I wasn't and it was only that one time that I made a huge mistake and allowed my ex to come between us when I never should have even given my ex the time of day. Well this girl eventually ended up breaking up with me because of my ex even though I had promised her that I would never ever go back to my ex again or see her again and that it was over for good as I had come to see that this girl was everything I ever wanted. So after a year of being together this girl broke up with me. No doubt it was my fault and I really regret the way things turned out between us. Well a few months after we broke up we ended up talking (I wrote her a letter) and I told her that I missed her and loved her and if there was any way she could give me a second chance I promised that I wouldn't scr*w it up again and I would make things right. As fate would have it though this girl shortly after we broke up (1 1/2 months) met another guy, who she is still with today, and even though I asked for foregiveness and a second chance this girl could not bring herself to give me one as she was already in another relationship which was something I didn't know at the time. While I didn't like the answer I had no choice but to accept her decision and move on with my life as it was never my intent to interfere with her relationship with her new boyfriend. At that time I couldn't understand why she would stay with her one month boyfriend and not give me a second chance but like I said I accepted her decision and I did not push it since it was my fault that we had broken up. But the moving on did not go well for me. Even though I tried dating I continued to think about this girl constantly and I couldn't get her off my mind. I ended up comparing everyone to her. To make matters worse, after she had already rejected me and about 10 months after we had already broken up, I again asked her back and embarrassed myself by pouring my guts out to this girl and begging for a second chance. But the more that I would ask for a second chance and the more we would communicate the more she would distance herself from me and the more adamantly she would refuse to consider taking me back and the more she would get mad at me and refuse to talk to me. While we had continued to communicate now and then (usually by email only) it got to the point that I guess I bugged her so much she changed her number and now will not even talk to me at all. But even though she won't talk me, she will email me every so often and she will usually respond to my emails. We definitely did not end up enemies. And that brings me to my problem. In her recent emails to me, I'm not sure who initiated the communication but I think it was me, this girl tells me how much she misses me, that she dreams of me and that she still loves me. I respond by saying that I feel the same way. She also hints that she would like to get back together but wonders if it would be too late for her to come back to me which of course is all that I have been asking for -- a second chance. I believe her though, maybe thats a problem, as I still love her too and I feel that deep in her heart she really does still love me, or at least I think she does. Even though on numerous occassions I have asked her to let me know if there is any chance of us getting back together she still refuses to talk to me and when I bring up the issue of any future between us she avoids the subject. Basically I can't get her to open up to me and tell me if there is any future for us and its driving me crazy. She does seem to be happy in her current relationship though and I really have a hard time believing her when she says she is not all that happy or comfortable with her new boyfriend. (she spends all her weekends at her boyfriends house.) So my question is this. Do I continue to hang on to hope that we will get back togehter or should I just try to put this girl out of my mind and move on once and for all? I know it is my fault that we broke up in the first place and I do feel guilty about it but I would really like to try to prove to this girl that I am serious about how i feel. But it just seems that at this point it doesn't matter what I do or say, nothing happens and nothing changes on her end. I feel that if she really loved me as much as she says she does she would give me a second chance if for no other reason than that. But it is extremely frustrating to hear her tell me she loves me when I love her too and I can't do anything about it or I'm not allowed to do anything about it. And I have tried -- I tried to talk to her and she slammed the door in my face. I have sent her thoughtful "care packages" and flowers only to have her return them as though I insulted her. Most of my friends say that I should forget about her and move on and that she has already shown me that there is no future between us and that if she wanted something between us she would make it happen regardless of her situation with her boyfriend. But I can't stop thinking about her and hoping. Please, any advice would be appreciated.Confused in Texas
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, peaches83  +, writes (11 March 2008):
 You are hanging onto a hope that may not happen. Lay your cards straight on the table and give her one more try.
If she declines then move on. You are missing out on so much in life well still pining after this girl.
Its time to start thinking about number one! THATS YOU!!
She has the oppertunity to come to you if she wants and im getting the idea that because she knows how you feel she is playing on that.
If her current relationship fails she has you to fall back on dont let this happen.
Tell her its now or never and leave it at that.
All the best
Peaches
A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (11 March 2008):
 Ok, so your ex was a pest, big deal. You didn't sleep with her.
It struck me that your most recent ex wanted an excuse to get out of the relationship. Because you didn't do anything that was SO bad, really, did you?
If she's dawdling and not giving you a straight answer, sorry to be blunt, but she doesn't want to be with you. You said it yourself, why would she choose a month long relationship over you? She's had SO many chances to get back with you, but she hasn't jumped.
It also sounds like you are being a bit of a doormat, and that won't appeal to most people. You are begging and pleading with her to take you back, being overly nice to this girl who has really treated you like dirt since you broke up. She's getting off on the position of power this break up has given her, must be great to have someone constantly telling you how great you are and how they want to be with you etc, great ego boost.
If you're dead set on being with this girl, write her a final email. Be STRONG and CONFIDENT. Tell her, this is your closure. You want an answer, yes or no. Final answer, if it's a no, you will be moving on, cutting contact, the full works. If she says yes, great, make a go of it. But stop being a doormat to this girl.
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