A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend had been together since she was 14 and i was 15 i am not 19 and she is now 18 so we have been together for some time. Everything was fine untill about 8 months ago when i went to uni only 20 minutes away from my home. We had always been together everyday and spent all our time with each other when i went to uni i wanted to try and live there to see what it was like as it was only 20 mins away. My girlfriend didnt like it and felt really left out and i was being a bit selfish at times going out with out asking her n stuff, for a month she tried to sort things out meeting me on the odd occasion i went out and wanted to talk but i just thought she was nagging me so i kinda brushed it off. Anyway a month after me starting uni she wanted to go on a break the first time she ever suggested this in our relationship, iwas devastated i realised how much of a selfish idiot i ahd been towards her and moved back home and did everything i could to show her how much i loved her a week later we got back together. Then things wernt the same as before but then it started too get alot better. We booked a holiday together and was seeing each other all the time again. 6 months later she started to get a new group of friends from college and was going out with them alot and meeeting her new girl best friend too i didnt mind cause it was nice she had a group of friends away from ours. Then i realised something was wrong so one night when we went out shopping i kept pestering her asking whats wrong she said she didnt want to talk but i kept on and on and she came out with it that she didnt want to be with me any more and that she didnt know if she just saw me as a best friend. I was distraught and gutted but there was nothing i could do she broke up with me. She said that we wouldnt get back together but she wanted to be best friends still (because we was for a year and a half before we went out) but the next few days she was telling me how she just wanted some time out and to her self and that maybe in the future we will get back together but she jsut wants some time out of a relationship. A few weeks went by and we met up a couple of times and had really good fun and she was texting me to tell me how much she enjoyed it. Her mom and sister who i am close with and she is close with told me that if i leave her alone and dont contact her she will realise what she has given up and will miss me and will probably want me back, should i do this? I know we are meant to be together and i think she feels the same but maybe being together nearly 4 years from such a young age just creeped her out cause maybe she thought she could be with me forever do ya think so? We are still talking to each other but should i cut contact off for a while see if she misses me? Do ya think it was my fault about moving to uni that pushed her away or would she of not took me back after that break if she hadnt forgive me? Im so confused and really love her and i know we will get back together some time in the future like she says i just feel like ive lost the love of my life and my best friend (sorry its so long winded ) :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Avg Man  +, writes (15 June 2009):
Dear friend. It sounds like you favor this girl very much. However, it also sounds like your relationship has been a little too co-dependant and controlling. It is important that you get the best education possible so that you can find a good job with good benefits. Who ever your future bride is, you owe her the very best you can offer. The better your education, the better your prospects. The better your prospects, the better your ability to support a family.
You do not need to completely break off communications with your current girlfriend. But you should not pester her so much, nor try to control her every move. Give a her a little bit of freedom while pursuing your education. Keep in touch, but do not let it hurt your grades or graduation goals. If your life-long relationship is meant to be, she will appreciate your maturity and your high but realistic career goals. If she does not appreciate your efforts, she may not be mature enough to handle a life-long relationship.
In the meantime, be very careful about your physical relationship. The last thing both of your need is a baby or an abortion. That WILL REALLY COMPLICATE your relationship. AM
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