A
male
age
41-50,
*abien
writes:I am hoping that someone can help here with this problem I am having.I recently broke up with my partner last week, who has been having problems with a minor drinking problem and seeing a therapist for this and small bouts of depression...When he broke up with me he was crying saying that he was still very much in love with me and had strong feelings, but could not do the relationship and needed some space and time to work out his problems.He said that he really did not want to do this and that he felt like I was a distraction to his problems when we were together, and when I was not there he deflated, I have agreed to give him space and let him work his things out.Can someone please help me with this, should I contact him in a few weeks and let him make the first move, I still love him and know that the reason that he has broken up with me is that he cares and really still loves me.
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female
reader, Another_Kapiti  +, writes (16 November 2009):
 You broke up because of his problems a few weeks ago, but these aren't problems that are easily fixed. Depression can go on for years, and a minor drinking problem can esculate into a major drinking problem, but at least he's fixing that by seeing a therapist. Are you willing to give him the support he needs? Depression is an awful thing to live with, both for the person who has it and their support person, it's emotionally draining on both of you and can cause a lot of resentment in the mentally fit partner by thinking that "If only he tried harder, he could beat this" or "How do I know he really is depressed"? (Been there, thought that!)I applaud you if you are willing to go the distance, it's very admirable, but will only work if you are really strong yourself.
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